Away From The Hermitic Philosopher (Storytime)
Updated: Sep 12
(Note: This is not the person's true words; it is written by myself from a different perspective, about what I like to call, "The Ms. Chen Saga", or, in her perspective, "The Tom Saga", as she didn't appear, at the time, to know my "true" name. In addition, the final part of this story is fictional. Other than her thoughts, the rest is not fictional
The point of this is to try to see things from the other side's shoes, in order to reduce bias. It's very important, to do so, in philosophy).
(2023 Note: Updated due to recent events)
He seemed to be an interesting person. He was very tall and, back then, had long, dark hair. That made me ask one of his teachers for permission to get to know him better by being friends. He accepted my offer not so long after, and then I began a highway of my own regret.
There was nothing wrong with him. He did nothing wrong. The fact that he exposed his love to me, however, was a mistake that made him miserable.
More specifically, I made him miserable, because I am too uncomfortable with emotions I don't like, like people who love me and I don't love them back. Regardless, he was very smart, and perhaps, if he didn't love me, things would've been different.
I once asked someone in his class, "Does he have friends?" to which he answered, "No". He chose to be alone all throughout high school, even though it seemed that people admired him and even sometimes gathered around him.
I find that contradictory, how a solitary guy like him would attract other students, merely by appearance. I've seen his picture years later. Once he gave up on his long hair, he became less attractive in my eyes.
I don't know why he loved me, other than the fact that he believed that I was beautiful. I don't think I am. I think I am ugly. Throughout the years, he tried to talk with me, much to my unwillingness.
He confronted me once after he declared to become a "monk", even though he still loved me years later. I don't know, he was a very strange person.
I never loved him back, had no reason to. He was autistic, solitary, and weird. He was smart, but more than I could handle.
I knew I could've just returned to his company back when we were students; I could have done many things, but in the end, the past cannot be restored, so the past is irrelevant, just like he is.
I don't know what made him still love me almost a decade later. He attended university for a while, wrote books, and made a website. It really means nothing to me, because I already have a partner.
I can't give up on him just because of some guy from the past. Hence why I terminated our renewed friendship once more.
He doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes, the mistakes of love. The mistake that is telling the truth, when doing so only harms him. Why is he so brutally honest?
Am I that pretty? I don't think so. Anyways, he sent one of his followers to me the other day with a letter. He was mad because I called him irrelevant, and that "philosophers are never irrelevant". I sure hope I won't see him again.
He seems to be very determined in whatever he sets his eyes on. I am at least glad that he was willing enough to stop interacting with me.
In our final conversation, where I told him to terminate himself from my life, he told me that he was asexual and that he wasn't interested in me anymore because the possibility of us being partners would "fail terribly."
However, my partner said that I can't talk with him anymore, so I respect his demand, despite the suffering I caused the person I rejected.
Perhaps it is good that I don't know English. Otherwise, I might've been tempted to look up his website and read his blog.
I don't know what it would've done to my relationship, but still, I sure hope I won't see him again, even though he did nothing wrong. "You didn't do anything wrong", were my last words to him.
I can't know if I will ever see him again, though, because he might come back to haunt me again. Perhaps this year, perhaps in 8 years.
I don't know what I could do to make him move on with his life, but I guess that, because of his solitude and autism… or Asperger's? He doesn't really have anywhere to move forward to. I won't be amazed at the possibility that he still lacks any romantic experience, regardless of my existence.
All I know is, that, for the time being, he wants revenge for calling him irrelevant. I don't know if he loves me anymore. All I "know" is, I might hear from him again, somewhere, someday, and I hope that day will be as far away as possible, if it exists at all.
Am I the bad guy in this story? I don't have to love anyone I don't want to love or don't feel I want to love. It doesn't matter how he suffered, when he tried to avoid me as much as he could during school, as I tried to pretend, he does not exist.
Please, Tom, just move on. I have nothing for you. Still, I worry that he would send another of his... followers…? To send me messages indirectly.
I think he is wise enough to not do it ever again.
Perhaps the last mistake I ever made regarding him and me was the fact that I called him irrelevant. That was kind of stupid of me, as it seemed to renew the cycle once more. His determined cycle of his obsession. His "vengeance".
Nowadays he calls himself Mr. Tomasio, and his medical condition is worsening as well, I heard. He uses an oxygen mask and a cane. Beyond sorrow, I have nothing for him. Nothing. Not even empathy, perhaps. I have other things to do. That's just how life is.
And whether he moved on or not, I no longer care. That's how irrelevant he is in my eyes. Because I and my life matter more. More than anything else.
Now, 30 years later, he is a well-known philosopher worldwide, who still keeps to himself. He still doesn't have much friends. I am already married and have my own children. Does he still think of me?
Looking back, it seems that I caused him a lot of suffering, but to be frank, I can't make myself feel emotions I don't have, and likewise, I don't feel strong enough to care emotionally enough to even contact him and apologize (if I even have anything to apologize for).
I might've made him a monk and a hermit, but I am not responsible for other people's life decisions, am I? And no, we were never in a relationship. I am too normal for him.
I just wanted... to know him better, I guess. Back then, when I knew him better, that was it; I had no further reason to be with him if I didn't want to. It's that simple.
Now everybody who knows me and reads his articles, also know me as Ms. Chen, all because of his content empire. How could I know that my desire to know someone would escalate things this severely?
But at least he didn't reveal my true name to the world. I knew he was too wise to not do that.
I am glad he restrainted himself enough. That's how I know, he grew up, and not remained a manchild.
Some people criticize me, calling my attitude back then "sh*tty." Some even say that I am already a trashy person. I don't know how to respond to that. I tried helping him by pretending he does not exist, and then I accepted his existence into my life because I thought he went over this stuff.
He used to vomit whenever he saw me. But I cannot care. Why? I don't know.
I guess I myself am to blame for this escalation. However, I can't force myself to care or say anything beyond "I'm sorry" and "life is beautiful".
Do I need to pay? It doesn't matter. None of this matters. It was just a mistake I made that went out of control. As long as I have my family, my husband, and God on my side, I don't need to think about anything else. Especially of him.
We live in the same country, and I pray I won't see him again. I hope he prays the same.