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The Rubinshteinic Guide to "Growing Up" -- Why It's Good For You

Updated: Feb 15


(September 2023 note: I am no longer handicapped. I explained why in this article).

Growing up is a process that can be done manually and independently, too. While we do grow up biologically and with time, growing up is also a mental process. It is a work that we can do with ourselves or with the help of others, in order to become tougher and be able to endure more of life.

Today, we might be insulted when someone tells us that we need to grow up. We might regard it as an "attack" on our being, and we might regard that person to be toxic. However, what we need to understand is that sometimes the truth is toxic. Judgment of others may be toxic, specifically because it's true. Because we're flawed, and may need to work on ourselves and become better. Avoiding to improve at all, because feeling insulted or "attacked", is infantile. If you want to understand what it's like to actually be attacked, become a mercenary in a private military company.

In masculinity, boys become "men" by this very process. By the process of becoming more resilient and prioritizing things and beings. Grown adults may be less insulted than younger people because they have made this mental work, and as a result, their minds are strong, and able to endure more from reality. Masculinity is therefore "toxic" because men might be expected to "grow up" more than women. They are expected to become more stoic, and/or more reasonable, and so on.

And a "real man" is just an adult man who has grown up mentally. You don't need to be a "badass", or a man who does extreme things in life, for that mean. I'm not telling you that you should obey that verison. I'm simply explaining it with no subtext in mind. Don't attribute to me things I never said. I'm a writer, I can write text instead.

The point of "growing up" is to become more practical. By "practical" I refer to our ability to manage our lives and our priorities better. For philosophy to be relevant we must apply its logic to real life. We should not delude ourselves that every feature of philosophy is irrelevant to the real world. Especially reason, and the daring to expand our horizons.

For example, if you drive on your way to work, and you see a dead rabbit on the side of the road, the "grown person" will resume driving to work. That's because they are aware of their priorities, and because they can't exactly bring the rabbit back to life.

We should stop using humanity as an excuse to preserve an infantile mentality. Yes, we deserve empathy and we deserve compassion, both ways. However, there may be more pressing topics at hand, than to lament a random animal who cannot be revived in any way. Topics like not getting fired. Topics like paying the bills, by working, and so on.

The grown up person represses their emotions when these emotions are in their way for practicality. It does not mean that they should bury them and pretend they do not exist. I mean that we should reject our urges when they are in our way to practicality.

Recently, in Israel, a female walrus was spotted in our country's beaches. Since it's very uncommon, the walrus became an attraction, and people gathered simply to record her. She was even mentioned in the news and in radio stations and what not.

And all I could think is how minor it all is. Minor because I have better things to attend to, than to be amazed by walruses. Even if I were not a handicap, I would not waste my time to meet this "celebrity" in person (Sorry, couldn't find an English source).

That is why you may find mentally-grown people, such as professionals, and even philosophers, to be arrogant. It's not that they necessarily think you're beneath them. It's just that they have other businesses to attend to. Businesses that are worthier of their time than something like a walrus. Things like work, like studies, and so on.

People may be unavailable to you because you are not the center on the universe, obviously. The childish person, whether a child or an adult, focuses on things and beings that don't deserve their time. They give importance unwisely and with poor proportions. They would "make a mountain out of a mouse" from things such as an ice cream's flavor that they did not want (even if it is tasty regardless).

They would be upset if the car they bought was not the exact shade of color they wanted ("Cool Grey" and not "Cadet Grey"). Finally, they will be frustrated if they would order a cup of coffee, and the name signed on it isn't exactly accurate.

Childish people may also whine more, by this logic. I used to whine a lot, too, until I hardened up (In the mind, goddamnit).

So when people threaten me online and give me "warnings", I am simply reminded of the times where I was actually threatened. In the one time where there was a missile attack and I was outside. When there was a risk that I would not make it home, after I went to a massive hike, and was moaning in pain all the way back. And more and more hardships.

This is an example for proportions. When someone asks me if I'm feeling threatened over some content, or when someone "threatens" to block me... is it that bad? Really?

Because when people feel "attacked" they might not be aware of this world's darker parts and of the horrors it contains to this very day.

The logical conclusion to this article is that you should grow up, just like I did. Don't be insulted because that feeling can hinder you from doing something that is actually good for you.

And of course, women can mentally toughen up/grow up as well. Being a woman is no excuse to remain fragile, when fragility stands in your way for a greater success in life. "Man up" is nothing more than a synonym. Women can do that, as well, and it's a sexist mistake to think that they can't because of a demographic-specific synonym.

Edit: For further clarification -- I do not call to bury our wants and needs. I'm calling to reject the temptation to be impulsive. Impulsiveness is a childish act. Every want and/or need as a place in the mind of the mature person. It's why they prioritize in the first place.

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Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosocom's Founder & Writer

I am a philosopher from Israel, author of several books in 2 languages, and Quora's Top Writer of the year 2018. I'm also a semi-hermit who has decided to dedicate his life to writing and sharing my articles across the globe. Several podcasts on me, as well as a radio interview, have been made since my career as a writer. More information about me can be found here.

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