On Those Who Are Dear To You -- How to Cherish Them
Updated: Feb 22
Cherishing Time with Loved Ones in a Finite World
Should we ever reach immortality, this article will be a relic relevant to the past. But for now, as we breathe and live in this fleeting world, we should value not only our own time, but also the precious moments shared with those we hold dear. Family, in particular, stands as an enduring pillar in this ever-shifting landscape. Though we may outlive them, why not dedicate a portion of our lives to their company before the curtain falls on their earthly stage?
A mother, a father, a grandparent – these vital figures often carve their own paths in life, independent of our own journeys. Yet, while they walk beside us, their blood forever related to our own either way. This, of course, does not have to rest on the foundation of good relations and connection, as that can be done with any human being we're compatible with.
But even in the most granted of circumstances, consider the impact of your absence. Their origins, their love, their care – these threads influence who you are and whom you might become. To lose them is to lose a piece of yourself, a void can be multipled to more voids as you grow further away from them. Either by death or even by honour.
Still, there are ways to know whether or not a family member appreciates you hard enough to be constantly thinking about you. Seize the means of knowing and you can better understand people whether you're a neurotypical or a neurodivergent.
My Past, Forever Washed by Time
As a child, my extended family was woven with regular gatherings. But time, both a cruel teacher and killer of all that's present, forever sealed my childhood away, before 15 years of chronic pain began their education program on my mind. Connections faded, replaced by the inevitable march of years and circumstance. Now, the echoes of those early days hold a bittersweet nostalgia of days forever gone. Even at a young age, I understood the irreversible nature of time, always keeping in my mind that none of this will return, and that all is destined to oblivion in some way or another.
We can't take these moments back, only cherish their fleeting beauty before they disappear as long-gone memories.
And while I find solace in my solitude, I'm acutely aware of the gifts my family offered to me with their presence. Their love and care that shaped me, becomes a sanctuary against the encroaching tide of time, and the trauma that gathered in my mind with time. And as my mother lost her parents, I know I will lose her too. Though I find much joy in the solitary art of philosophy articles, the thought of taking my family's presence for granted, of letting them life slip away unnoticed, is something I cannot allow myself to do, for it is too immoral.
Everything is doomed to be either a fleeting treasure, a fleeting regularity, or a fleeting disgrace. But either way, everything is fleeting. Our relations to them do not matter in that regard and that's one of the ways the anti-human nature of logic compels us to submit and often become ruthless ourselves. Let us, then, while we still have breath, not treat time as if it's something that deserves for to be killed, for it is going to be killed, either way. And when time kills itself off, it can also kill of anything and anyone along with it. Why, then, treat time in such a way that disgraces our limited time on this planet?
Cherishing Connections While Living In Solitude
Living a solitary life necessitates a certain level of preparation for the inevitable stretches of absence. And when you're a philosopher, there is a social risk involved in it, that would suggest you to prepare for a more solitary life. To quote Plato: “No one is more hated than he who speaks the truth.”
However, this pursuit of solo comfort shouldn't eclipse the joy of connection with those we love and that still walk beside us. Unlike solitude, which can stretch on until our final breath, the company of loved ones is a fleeting treasure, especially for those older than us. Very rarely, people may die together out of natural causes, at the same time or day.
The same principle applies to our beloved pets. A dog's or a cat's lifespan, though precious, pales in comparison to the average human's. Neglecting them now, only to regret the missed moments later, would be a miscalculated loss.
Expanding this logic further, the length of someone's life shouldn't dictate the depth of our connection. Life, after all, is a most fragile collection, bound to the threats that lie with reality's uncertainty. Heart attacks strike even the young and healthy, accidents can rearrange lives in an instant, and even a green light can't shield us from the unpredictable behavior of reckless drivers.
In the Shadow of Solitude
Therefore, every dear one deserves our cherishing, for any moment could be their last, or at least mark a shift in our shared journey. It's a journey that, although shared with others, remains our own, whether or not we age alone.
As such, while we embrace the present and nurture our connections, we must also acknowledge the potential for solitude. Even the most social and extroverted of individuals can find themselves facing involuntary loneliness later in life, as something called an inevitable possibility. This reality, though perhaps gloomy, is a crucial part of preparing for the future. Just as I have spent my youth preparing for potential isolation, so too should anyone who finds comfort in the company of others.
Living where I lack personal connections, as even leaders can be lonely, I have chosen to reside near my mother in a hermitage, finding comfort in the knowledge that even in future solitude, I will not be entirely alone, even if physically. Some would argue that loneliness is also a mental state but I digress.
While I actively cherish the present and the connections I hold dear, I am also prepared for an even-quieter life that may await in the distant future, as an older man. This preparation, however, shouldn't be mistaken for an embrace of a "full hermit mode" as I did in the past.
It is simply a realistic acknowledgment of life's potential, a way to navigate the present with both wisdom and the little emotion I've left. So, as long as my dearest ones live, I've no reason to forsake them so easily, let alone ghost them online.
Consider learning from me. If you wish to become my apprentice, contact me by mrtomasio@philosocom.com . Thank you for reading.
