When I Entered "Full Hermit Mode" -- Struggles in Public Philosophership
Updated: Aug 10
(For a poem related to the subject, click here)
(Note: Although written in 2021, some of the context and reasoning are still relevant to this day, in 2023. Perhaps indefinately, too.)
Audience of Philosocom,
I've been suffering a lot lately due to the constant mental stress I'm in. Although I enjoy writing and feel very content with it, the irrational fear of "have I written enough?" continues to torture my mind. It's an anxiety I've been having for years, hence why I've written so much thus far. I still wish to write more, though, but I understand that without taking breaks, that would unfortunately be an unwise idea, as I also need to consider the state of my mental health.
The countryside is indeed relaxing, a far better option than living in the apathetic metropolis, but nonetheless I still suffer from said stress that came as a result of being a writer and a philosopher.
Being a philosopher is a very stressful occupation, as I have witnessed. You're in a constant need to prove yourself to others and also need to make sure you're not writing too irrationally or illogically. It's a tedious job where even the simplest of fallacies can challenge the existence of the claims you're making.
In addition, there is also the issue of reception. Not everyone will like your philosophical writing, nor would necessarily agree that you are a philosopher, even if you have proven that you are several times through the practice of philosophizing.
Yet another issue is to actually make people stay and read your articles, whether or not they are well written, due to today's short attention span. I even learned, through researching competitors, that the average stay in a philosophy website is around 1 to 2 minutes, and obviously that is insufficient for the average reader to read even one article.
In a way, being a philosopher is like being a king, because as a king you ought to justify your mandate as such, defend your reputation from your "enemies", and make sure you have enough support for people to take you seriously in your role and not to "overthrow" you in favor of other "rulers". Looking back, it is indeed no wonder that I went under a lot of pressure, and I'd probably have had significant pressure even without my stress-increasing disabilities.
The hardest thing, however, would be attracting the attention of the ungrateful; those who want to react to your content without even the least bit of gratitude towards your work, who also don't care for you as a person, and thus wouldn't hesitate to insult you even though you work for the common good.
Fortunately, those were few. But in the end, people need to understand that even philosophers can be offended, no matter how good or bad they are at their job. In the end, we want to, so to speak, work for the "love of wisdom". To celebrate our desire for insight and possible truths, and to feel safe doing so.
Unfortunately, because not everyone are in this mindset of "celebrating" our love for wisdom, ungratefulness and even spite can come when some people are witnessing content they don't want to consume. Even if the material itself is legitimate, a philosopher's job isn't to appeal to their audience, necessarily, but to write what they genuinely think to be logical and true. Even if it met with controversy, one should remind themselves of the ad-populum fallacy.
I won't lie to you when I say that I don't like the external world and all the stress that it contains. Even before realizing my "destiny" I was a very stressed individual, and I admit that this world is too stressful for me to live in like a functioning individual.
As I said in one of my videos, stress cause me physical pain, and if that stress becomes too intense, it can result in a panic attack, and unfortunately I had countless of those. However, regardless of the pressure, I don't want to give up on being a philosopher.
I have no other reason to live other than providing to the world as many philosophical content as possible, for that is possibly the only good thing I am capable of doing and generate a sense of purposefulness at the same time. I tried in the past working at monotonous jobs that actually provide a steady income, but those made me depressed and small in significance.
I do hope in the future to provide you with even more articles, videos, and poems for you to enjoy; content that will quench your thirst for wisdom, and put a smile on your face, even if the content at hand is a bit dark in nature.
Nonetheless, as I enter what I call "Full Hermit Mode," I really recommend you to check out my older articles that are available at the far reaches of this blog. I made this site in 2019, and much content has been generated for this site. If desired, consider dedicating some time to reading older material as I'm taking a break from writing newer material. Use the search engine if desired; who knows what you'll find?
Thank you all for following and supporting my endeavours as a philosopher and this site as my formal base of operations on the internet,
Mr. Tomasio Rubinshtein