(Directory on Nihilism: https://www.philosocom.com/post/the-irony-of-nihilism)
Each new day is a problem to be solved. No matter how much I wrote over the years, as long as a day is vacant of writing, that day will be wasteful. And it is dragging one in... dragging into a possible growth of this vacancy of non-writing.
The more accustomed you become to laziness, the more you'll be dragged into this habit of non-working. You can refuse to write for one day, one week, or one month; but that, like a virus, is something that only grows into a potential habit.
The past matters not, because the past has already been fulfilled, either with productivity or with laziness. It cannot be changed, only reminded of, or twisted, which I'm not going to do. The past cannot remedy the potential that lies in the present moment, and in the future, that will convert itself into the present, as it always does.
Only by death, the lifelong "problem" be solved, because when you're dead, you can't work. Then, when you're a corpse, you have a justification for eternal rest, in non-doing. It is only when you are alive, that you must do something, if you want to contribute; and be of use to the world.
You can still be of use when you're dead, but in order for that to happen, you must convince your audience that you are worthier than your own name. For that to happen, you need, as we say in Hebrew, to have your name walk before you. Many people die each day; only a few are remembered to the effect that they are as useful as they were while alive in the past.
This dedication creates obsession -- the obsession to make it through the day, not because you ate, drank, or slept, but because you have produced. All the basic conditions of living are but a setting ground for the writer to be in front of the screen and type, until something comprehensible and competent comes into play -- comes into use.
In life, there is no hope for that to end, unless you yourself finally retire. When one retires, one must deal with another problem -- the "post-purpose" problem; of having to live while knowing that your prime productivity is behind you. Some people may be relieved by that, but others, who still want their lives to be of greater worth, might prefer death to come as it does anyway. This is why I gave up on the concept of post-purpose. You see that this website has hundreds of articles; wouldn't it be even worthier if it reached thousands?
I am merely a servant of my own head and hands, a connector of idea and word. That is all I want to be, and need to be, if I want to leave a bigger mark on the world. Therefore, each day is a problem to be solved, with the problem being -- the lack of work being done. I care not if I am set for life by welfare, as that only sets the groundwork for the necessity of living and of maintaining this site.
Once the eyes are open, the stomach is filled, and the coffee has been consumed, it is high time to do something with the time left until the next period of sleep. Others, in my situation, would choose to spend the rest of their lives, consumed by the tempting laziness of entertainment, but if you do it too much, you might get sucked into a life of general worthlessness.
That has been my lesson as a kid, based on the philosophy I learned back then from the world -- have the most fun you can have and forget about anything else. It was then that I learned the true meaning of hollowness, and why I do not wish for that hollowness to haunt my life ever again.
Free time is a problem, beyond the mere necessity of rejuvenation. Would you feel comfortable, spending much of your lifespan doing something you don't like, only to rejuvenate to be prepared for the next spending, and nothing further?
Life is a survival step. A survival not only of the body but of the mind. Some minds are "smaller" than others, and thus they will be satisfied with far less. But I want the world to listen to what I must translate into words. I've seen these "smaller" minds in person, and to be frank, I quite envy them, if not adore them. Their days are not a problem, because it does not take much to satiate them.
I, however, feel a deep urge to be as productive every day as I can, if I wish to truly be happy. The joy of food, of drink, and of videos, is extremely minor, compared to the satisfaction gained by doing something with myself, that does not make me feel insignificant, compared to what I am truly capable of.
Some may say it is a good thing that I write every day, especially those who are conflicted with the notorious "writer's block", but for me, each day is a quota, waiting to be fulfilled. It is a supervisor, looking at me all day long, waiting for me to produce accomplishment. There appears to be no escape from this desire, but in death itself.
I don't know if I'm addicted to writing. I know that I feel that it is my duty, to escape from the smallness, from the insignificance. And that, is only possible by becoming bigger. So "big", "everyone" will recognize your name and role. Only then will one fully realize that their post-death survival, is guaranteed.
Anything else, even that which makes me laugh every now and then, seems very, very useless. The void below is climbing; climb too, and you will be redeemed.