Crisis Of Love: A Dialogue Between Philosopher and Journalist (By Mr. Machiek Machiek Akuocpiir Cayier)
(Disclaimer: The guest posts do not necessarily align with Philosocom's manager, Mr. Tomasio Rubinshtein's beliefs, thoughts, or feelings. The point of guest posts is to allow a wide range of narratives from a wide range of people. To apply for a guest post of your own, please send your request to mrtomasio@philosocom.com)
(Mr. Rubinshtein's note: Consider this guest post an example of the differences between philosophy and journalism, personified, and also the impact of something I call, "The Verdict of Being". Further reflection on this piece can help you further understand what I mean by both. Enjoy).
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In the mid of March, 2018, a dangling philosophy dropout, who changed his mind to pursue Software Engineering studies, met with a typically charming young lady. Who's a budding journalist.
A completely terrible and simple idealist guy who's nearly 25 years and happened to be single, was luckily intrigued by the kind lady, who appeared to have been in her early 20s.
In most instances, they suddenly meet at one of the compounds of the opposite apartments where they resided; whenever the dangling philosopher returns from the university in the evenings, not knowing that the girl was just a nearest neighbor of his. He would shy off when they converged at the path.
One evening, in the month of March, the philosopher, known as Jago, returned from the university late at 7 PM. And for the fourth time, of their sudden meetings, he found this beautiful girl again.
She came to this particular residential apartment where Jago lives on the upper floor and her relatives in the lower part. As obvious as the affairs of falling for the other are always, she stopped at the stair-way, closer to the room which she was going to enter. She looked at Jago with daring, blushing eyes.
With all possibilities of being hit, Jago stopped a little time and greeted her. Her interest expressed clearly that she wanted to talk. But Jago was too shy and also very undecided to approach her too soon. In this moment, the first opportunity of a lifetime was then lost. And the girl disappeared for some longer time.
A month and a half passed; and this young lady never showed up again....until June, which was the month they met after a long while. Jago came to realize that she was residing in the opposite apartment, separated by a fence with the one he lives in.
This time he was courageous enough to know her and be connected together. All along, they never knew each other's names. Until he broke the spell to ask her name and where she came from.
Jokingly, she asked Jago if he wasn't the guy they used to meet a month or two back...With no pretends, he admitted that he was the one she used to see. And the conversation started from that moment. She told Jago that her name was Rwina. Who studies Journalism at a public university. Unlike Jago who was at a privately owned International University.
That day passed after they came to know themselves. A few days later, Jago had to ask her for her social media username, which was not different from the name "Rwina."
From there, he went on and sent her a facebook request, which she didn't confirm. A month passed, then came August. The other month in which they met again for holidays.
It was during this period of time that Jago became obsessed about Rwina everyday. He desperately wanted to always communicate with her. But she was somehow lacking in openness. She was overly introverted. The same character trait which he already possessed too.
It was this time that his quest for love started to grow. Ten days later into August, Jago had to remember that he had a connection which he should attend to. He texted her and said, "It's been about ten days. "I hope you're still around." She replied, "I'm going to the campus tomorrow."
And since Jago was very concerned, he pursued her and asked; "What time really! Would you go there in the morning?" He was desperately in need of her time so that they could know each other better. But the girl's daily pursuits seemed to have swayed her. She in turn replied, "I will go at 11 AM." And nothing more.
But Jago, as someone who was overly concerned about his sentiments, forwarded another leading text again and said, "Sounds like you're gonna transfer to that side. When will you be back to Munyonyo tomorrow after the stay at Makerere? You know Makerere was the University she said to have joined the Journalism studies. Very far from the area they live in."
From there on, five days passed and on the sixth day, Jago had to text her another message. He said, "Hey Sandy, how have you been Rwina?"
Here, she was surprised by the name Sandy that Jago uttered for fun. She thought Jago knew something secret about her. She then asked, with a funny meme of hers, "Whaat!? "How did you know that name?"
Without any idea what she asked, he replied, "Your prototypical picture is quite funny. It made me laugh. Actually, I came to know about that name through introspection."
She thus replied, "I thought I erased that name everywhere." Here she meant, everywhere from the internet. Probably, Sandy, could have been her ex boyfriend's name.
Jago, as a guy who's pursuing the lady, had to ask, "But isn't it good. Or is it not a genuine name for sure?" Obviously, she declined to reply. Then he carried on and sent her the same meme of hers, saying, "Anyway, forget the name. You're good to be Rwina Machiek!
She thus reacted as though what Jago uttered was a joke. "Nah..Rwina is fine with me." That might have been another indicator that she was not opening up.
Jago had to acknowledge her retort and said; "Yeah I know, Rwina is a beautiful name. And a beautiful name in this respect, is much better for a new beautiful name you have seen."
Silence thus sneaked into her mind. And she went offline that day. Two days later, Jago texted again.
"Hi Rwinie, how have your days been? Please, can I ask you a bit about journalism? It's a good discipline that I'd want a profound understanding about. Isn't it?" The point being, Jago wanted to spark the conversation with what she does. She once told him that she majors in journalism at a certain university. She then replied, "You know...I'm still not a journalist yet, I am just a student who hasn't yet started taking classes."
To the surprise of Jago about her claim; he begged a question again and said, "Really, is it that? Supposedly, you got some surface level of intuitive knowledge in your path. There could be an idea greater in your mind already. Isn't that so? Then, you have a natural quest ideally in you. In other words, I may say that everybody is a student in life. Able in some way! Or I might be wrong."
Still perplexed, she declined to reply. Either she didn't understand what was asked or she wasn't interested at all. That day went. Still in August, the following day, there was a modelling event occurring at the University where Jago studies for his Software Engineering degree.
Jago messaged her that day to ask her out as a follow up to his hope that the girl might develop interest in him as she has shown sometime back. He said, "By the way, can you come tomorrow for the Miss Beauty Contest, or are you a contestant? It will be nice to see you."
Given the possibility that she read the message and never replied, Jago went to the show anyway. He boarded a taxi with a brother. Since they all live together in the neighboring apartments.
That evening, Rwina, however, went to the same taxi first, when Jago and his younger friend came and entered in front seats. They never knew that the girl whom Jago badly wanted was inside. But she saw them.
They then boarded and after something like 15 minutes, they reached the venue where they were going to attend the show that evening. She remained inside and let Jago and his friend move out first, since she knew that they didn't see her when they entered the taxi before.
That day went, 6 days later. With a little doubt from Jago, the closer friend would convince him that she's pretending and you should give her more trials.
On the last day of August, Jago had to write to her and said; "Hi Rwina. It's been a few days. I hope you're very fine. How are the home things going on or the campus ones, if you're in the hostel?" She said, "All the things were well and her family was just fine."
Then, Jago followed this conversation up and wrote to her; "Okay, that all sounds nice. May I ask you a favor? Can we collaborate on writing some sonnets? "I will write the first seven lines and you will complete the last seven lines. The prompt you can take is your thoughts, experiences and dreams too. This will give a wonderful meaning."
She asked; "What are we writing about?" And continued saying, "Anyway, you very well know that I'm good with poems."
Jago wrote back to her; "Well, the title is in the following: "And This Too Will Be Perfect." As you're very good with poems, let's see who is going to produce the best seven lines of the sonnets." Thinking that she was interested to converse, to the surprise of Jago, Rwina declined and said; "Oh sorry...I mean I'm not good with poems." As a correction of her above question.
Therefore, since Jago was intending to speak to her through a poem, decided to send her one. It was around 1 AM when they were chatting on messenger.
Jago composed the following poem: "In Twilight Zone, at the Quietest Moment."
"My mind, like my heart as a seeking spirit,
went roaming in the midst of the night.
Every throbbing second passes by wholly.
As if my heart has found the exact blessing it has been looking for.
While knowing that, the days are many for this heart
to cease from being a seeker
The heart in reality resolved and has been ready to give as much as it should,
While knowing, this blessing in a momentous time is true and perfect.
As this heart and mind have known this true blessing so far."
A poem that Jago purposefully composed to entice the girl to open up. But she acted like a rock and never replied after she read.
Three weeks later into September 2018... After Rwina stayed away from social media, Jago had to text her again. After a few minutes of phone conversation that was interrupted by network shortage.
Jago said; "I have gone through a lot of interruption when I called you, please I will call you tomorrow and we will talk." She agreed.
The following day; Jago, a dangling philosopher, poet and a desperate lover; who admired Rwina so much, had to throw in a long poem:
"The dream struck me as I have been entirely awake"
As dreams occurs in sleep;
The one which has happened to me,
seems entirely unique and has filled all me with longing.
My mind is quite occupied by illusions and greatest
realities. I hope this dream is both; an illusion and a reality.
But I know; through intuition and conviction.
I have it as part of my realities.
This unique dream of my story.
Which is not yet my story.
Is one beautiful thing, worth understanding.
The insights I had about it are interesting.
All I asked this beautifully unique dream; is to let us be
one by being realizable that this dream has stolen almost
all my thoughts and am ready to give this dream all of me.
This dream that happened to me is one unique lady who struck my heart.
She looks like a potential model and I love her
As she's a beautiful soul, an honest, and a decent
woman in my eyes. She's a dream, she's all over my
mind and heart. This dream of my life is Sarah Arek.
A young woman whom my soul longs for as she's the truth I
have seen and met in person. There's nothing which
makes a me seek you and appraise you dear Rwina than
being a man who has fallen in "love" for you only.
I am here for you but no other woman.
And you proof of this yourself that moved by you and wanted you this much.
Sarah, you're my dream girl right now. Being one with you,
let me write to you with honesty and love.
I love you but I don't stop there, I need you, and I mean
to be your honest and respectful man.
Yours dearly!
The poet whose heart bleeds for you every day and night.
Rwina had to read the beautiful poem of true love expression for her. Then later, that night, she spoke on the phone with Jago and everything was in place. But Jago had doubts that she had a superficial acceptance of love. (Mr. Rubinshtein's note: as compared to what is called, "true love").
Then, between the second last day of September up to the second day of October 2018, Jago had been trying to call Rwina and she could pick the calls. He would call late at night. But he forgot what Rwina told him during the time she gave him her number.
She said, "You take my cell phone number, but don't call me at night." A hard condition that someone who loves another couldn't bear. He would forget and call her and she would decline to pick. And Jago often developed doubts of love.
Having the realization of a fading interaction and disappointments of unpicked calls, Jago had to send Rwina a poem of complaints.
Entitled; "It's Just 8 Pm: You're Killing My Passion" It reads as follows:
This evening, it's just 8 PM.
Please, don't torture me so much.
Am deeply drowned into you, through my affection.
On the other hand, I respect your principle.
Maybe, this is going lead us to being invincible.
It's not easy to always think about someone;
But my attitude towards you,
Enabled me to hit the buttons on my phone.
Whenever, it's a connection which is necessary.
Girl I hope I am not fading!
Girl I hope I am not fading!
Maybe, I need to buy into your perfection.
Maybe not, I don't know how you stole my attention.
With all overflowing self questioning to himself, complaints to Rwina, appreciation and respect for her, Jago pleaded.
October then began with little hope for Jago. From day 2 to day 6, there was no communication at all. A guy whose spirit was seeking approval of love had to throw in another poem on day 7. Since the girl became too unresponsive.
"I Relate With Purely You"
I have the quest for Arek;
and I relate thus.
I think my mind;
is ignited by Rwina.
In the dream I sighted;
And I behold on you.
Maybe you're quiet Sarah;
Or you were born quiet.
Save my mind;
I would like to talk;
On the new face, hitting on you.
Truth be told, you made me weak;
Beside you, am here to speak.
The only man right now; whose heart bleeds for you.
With mixture of speculative thoughts, expression of love for her, Jago still never got a reply even after she read that poem. She kept quiet. He could call her for an outing and she refused, claiming that she was busy.
On the 8th of October, the dangling philosopher had to take the strategy of a journalist.
It turned to be the moment of wit, denial of love and philosophic argumentation.
Jago asked Rwina; "I believe you don't give opinions. That means, you like saving your mind?
This opened her up a little bit and she replied; "Yes...I guess. So what were you on about?"
Here, Rwina referenced a phone conversation before Jago sent her the poem above.
Jago had to reply back; "well, you have guessed, that's an opinion. Anyway, I was saying, as a lady; did you ever imagine yourself saving someone in empathetic veins of relations?"
As though Jago is not concerned with humour, he interrogated his girlfriend.
She however replied;
"No, I have never imagined."
Jago followed with another question; "If so, do you really have any wishes to have done that. Or supposedly, to have done a favor by chance?" He continued, "Understandably, are you altruistic? Rwina, am talking about the fundamentals of human beings."
Jago was obviously aiming to change the conversation of the argument about love to philosophy.
Therefore, Rwina replied his question with some confidence; "Yeah, I understand. You know am not much of a people person. I care less about others. So I don't think am altruistic."
Jago continued in discourse with her; "That's a brave point. you're quite a liberal woman. But you might be altruistic in nature. It happens that, when one sees others or puts oneself in their shoes, they tend to be greater and supportive. Do you know any of those kinds of people?"
Rwina came in again; "Yeah I know a few people, but I am not that kind of a person."
Jago; with the nature of questioning, as a way of deviating away from talking about love which Rwina seems to not talk about too. Had to appreciate her and asked again.
"That's pretty good! I understood you far better. Could you possibly state the meaning of your life? I love asking that question to a few people I like."
As though she got nervous; she said. "You ask a lot of questions, it's like we are doing an interview."
"Yeah, am quite aware that, am asking you a lot. Let's make it a philosophical sense. I have been trained to question everything. I also have some joy in that, and I'm sharing with you as someone who is undergoing training to be able to interview others.... a journalist." Said Jaago. He continued and noted: "By the way, I wish we will have some deeper discussions with time."
"I don't like questions about my personal life. So don't ask me about my life." She replied in a text since they were chatting on messenger.
"Really, but life has no secret in its essence. And asking the meaning does not involve a secret. Why are you so afraid of Machiek, a virtuous man? For that, I may plant a seed to grow, I had to test the soil." Jago with his leading questions had to disagree and threw in metaphors;
Immediately, Rwina had to defend her position. She replied; "It's not that there are secrets or anything...I mean life is already the way it is, so what's there to talk about? And about you planting a seed to grow... the soil is already bad, so you don't have to plant anything."
As she appeared to be a little bit conscious of the conversation, she tended to sound smart when responding.
As a continuous dialogue between them, Jaago pursued her furthermore. "Wow, you are really a smart lady. But sometimes, a good gardener transforms a bad soil for the seeds to flourish. You have my credit tonight!"
Even when he was appreciative of her; she had insisted that Jago should carry on without her. Arek said, "You know sometimes the farmer leaves the bad soil and looks for a new one when he sees that there are no possible ways of the soil transforming. So I guess you do the same."
Jago, being a person with a positive sense of initiating the conversation, tried to convince her of his value as a good guy for her future. He wrote to her since this conversation was textually based. He said to her, "It seems to be a good argument. But such a farmer must be a superficial one who lacks life, passion, desire, and goals.
"I think you know that a flower that springs from a concrete rock is always blooming. And very hard for it to wither and die. For it's connections of life and how it communes with nature, always, makes it stronger.
"That flower you have seen is already Machiek, whom you will appreciate his presence."
Even when she had shown her liking of Jago, Rwina seems to have developed a new mindset. She replied; "Whatever you say, but the thing is; this is not taking us anywhere."
She appeared to be a little reclusive. But Jago was now losing hope, but somehow hopeful. He tried to continue convincing Rwina and wrote back: "You might be right. Sarah Arek, maybe I have become so mad over you than any man you have ever known before. And I know denial of the other is a trait of all humans and in most cases, a blinding trait. The closest thing to us, that we have been driving so many months already; was not meant to lead us to heaven. It is to lead us to our hearts, minds, and the days of our lives which will make sense to us."
Rwina, now became reserved in the talk between her and Jago. She read the text and didn't reply again. It was already the middle of October. And since she was not willing to reply to the text, Jaago tried to call her through the phone, but she couldn't pick the calls.
Two days passed, and Jago had hope that he would communicate with her again.
After those two days, he wrote to her once more, "Well ̧ your line seems to be unavailable. I know you have all the freedom to avoid me. But I don´t think there would be anyone who will be too obsessed about you than me. I felt a very deep love and respect for you. I wished you felt the same way I do for you. But then you have become too resistant. Am really perplexed."
In reply, Jago communicated his dissatisfaction with the way Rwina hooked him into the relationship, but later turned out to be the opposite.
He carried on and wrote to her, "I hope to give you time even if we don't meet in the name of true love. We may be life partners sometime to come in the name of anything else. And still¸ Sarah Arek¸ I love you deeply, all along, I have had that strong desire; to say this many times I know you are young Rwina. I realized that the first moment of love for any man, single, who has never been with any woman in his life is too hard¸ genuine, & challenging enough. I am amazed by this short experience. But I respect you for being somehow hard on me. I am proud about this¸ and I will have a story to refer to¸ in my life. Maybe to my children in the future. Who knows!"
Jago, having thought that she wasn't serious about what she said; assumed and wrote again to Rwina. "Unless you have been testing me in all this. I assure you, you got the greatest room in my heart."
However, she remained firm on her decision. "No, I don't test people. I really don't have feelings for you. Anyway, Thanks for finally letting go and am sorry for putting you through this." She stood on her path.
Having read that line of thought from her; Jago when offline, and after two hours, returned back on line and replied, "Great ̧ I appreciate. But one more thing I am requesting from you. In my forthcoming book¸which I will publish this December. Am featuring the poems and song lyrics of which I have your name in them. They are the records of my thoughts about you. I have all the rights to do so¸ all right!"
That day, Rwina refused to reply. Even when he saw her active on the friend list.
Two days later; she wrote back to him in refusal of publishing his memoir with her name in it. She said to him; "No, you can't use my name, you can just change the name to someone else's. So please...get rid of my name too."She became so harsh on a very simple matter. But Jago had to smoothly handle this, given he's an author with all the rights of the things he wrote.
He texted her again on the same thing: "There's nothing wrong with that. How can I change the whole thing to someone I don´t know¸ (to fictionalize my honesty) when I meant everything I ever said or written to you¸ would be a selfish act on my-side. You know very well that I have been serious about this. I have done all the communication I had with you in good faith. And I have authority about everything I have ever written here on earth."
Jago stood firm against the personality in denial of his honesty.
He continued and wrote to Arek, "In the first place¸ I never got rid of you. How can I get rid of your name, Sarah. Please....let it not worry you anymore. Am not asking you to be my girlfriend again. You can be but you didn't allow this. Am not here to erase you¸ what I think about you¸ how I feel about you and your name from my mind. That's not going to happen¸ I don't hate you. Let it not worry you anymore."
Immediately after he texted her, she met face to face with the true expression of someone who knows his line of thoughts. She would have become the "Juliet" to Jago, but she lost him just because of some self-pride and egoistic idealism in her.
Feeling like she had been attacked, "I'm not worried about anything. Don't misunderstand me. Am just asking you not to use my name in your writing, That's all!" She replied more quickly than he expected, only to rectify the bias.
Therefore, Jago replied in a text. Telephone communication has become limited among them since she always declines to talk well on the phone.
He texted her and said, "Yeah... I know what you meant." And within minutes on messenger chat; her only reply was, "Good!"
As though it was a feeling of relief or having been understood by the dangling philosopher at last.
On the second last day of Oct, 2018; a few days or weeks after the new transition of Ethiopia, having appointed the first female president in history; Jago gave his final wishes to Sarah Arek who goes by her nickname, "Rwina".
He wrote to her; "You appeared to be a visionary woman; I wish you will be like the new Ethiopian, first female president in your country."
She read the wishes of Machiek and never replied. But they remained Facebook friends. And Jago no longer hopes that time will tell anything about hopes. And the dangling philosopher now works on his self-discovery. A continuous perpetual change in the realms of his life.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Mr. Machiek Machiek Akuocpiir Cayier, is a South Sudanese intellectual elite, public influencer, poet, philosopher, and scientific communicator, who is based in East Africa. He was born on December 30th, 1993, at Hoor Machiek Amuong, Berle-Sophi Village (Berle-Sophi Kingdom), near Mapuordit, Yirol West, Bahrl El Gazal, Southern Sudan Autonomous region (2005-2011), The Republic of Sudan (1985-2019).
He may be reached via his E-mail:
machiekmachiek@protonmail.ch or through Mr. Tomasio, in case of any communication to be made by a reader on his work.
