Help is something that we all needed at least for a certain period in our lives, and that was when we were infants and could not survive on our own. However, that is the bare necessity of help everyone will ever need, and when you reach childhood, even some children are able to take care of themselves, like children in very poor countries or from very poor families.
These are children who learn what some people might never learn: the importance of independence over help.
The problem with taking care of others comes when it becomes a habit, and then, it is taken for granted that side "A" "needs" to worry for side "B". It is at this point that side "B" loses their ability to be self-sufficient in practical terms, albeit not completely.
When they do so, life becomes difficult once "A" is either absent or gone for good. Thus, side "B" must learn to help themselves whenever they are able to, because they are the only ones with the full certainty of being with themselves for all of their lives.
That, you see, is why I refuse to allow an external guide to come to my house and help me, even though it is my state-granted right as a disabled man. This is not a matter of self-respect necessarily, but a matter of continuing my life alone in the name of writing and in the name of this very site.
It's why I refuse to have a social life, even though I've experimented with it before, and why I decided to be disconnected from my neighbor, who happens to be my mother. I may be criticized for such extreme isolation from this world, but for me, it is either philosophizing or it is death, even if I don't intend or want to commit suicide at all. You see, the pride of a thousand articles is more important to me than any social interaction!
Independence, therefore, is the key to greater productivity. That is, as long as you can motivate yourself for long periods of time. Some people require collaboration in order to maintain their motivation to do activities, be they walking, doing an assignment, or any kind of physical exercise.
However, if you have a strong enough reason to do something, a strong reason with great attachment to it -- no other attachment will necessarily be required to see something accomplished.
I will now say something a bit more personal than usual.
My mother said that she worries about what will happen to me after she eventually dies. I do not care how much time it will take, but I will prove to her that I don't need her nor any other help other than welfare finance (because I can't work), just like I intend to hopefully prove to the baker lady, Ms. Chen, that my existence is relevant enough!
The latter will pay with disillusionment, and the other will be granted her confidence! I don't deserve either by my mere existence. I will try and try until both goals are reached. Until I will finally be able to be left alone by my mother and be left alone from the thoughts of a former, absent friend. Then, I will be able to finally die alone, with a smile on my face, just like I intend to!
To further prove my independence, I will refuse external help from both my mother and the organizations she is accompanied by until I am even more independent. By showing that people with disabilities can still live in a solitary fashion just like any other hermit, recluse, or hikikomori who doesn't have any disabilities or disorders of their own.
My mother, too, will pay with disillusionment, with the thought that I won't be able to function without her! I will buy groceries and medication. go to the medical offices without needing help by anyone but public transportation.
Then, I will reach the similarity of the children I mentioned previously: those who are required to take care of themselves, alone in the world. I will persevere, living and dying alone for the sake of my legacy to the world.
Unnecessary help, you see, weakens the human spirit. It gives away responsibilities that would otherwise be used to strengthen oneself in the name of independence. Thus, to use unnecessary help, is to give up on the potential to be stronger than before. Thus, those who seek strength for the spirit, should at best seek it in solitude, where there is temptation to seek help, but one refuses it in the name of this very value.
Some help is necessary, but it isn't the help I'm talking about. The help I'm talking about is expandable, sometimes lazy, and can put you at risk of being spoiled. I rarely had independence as a child, aside from learning to adapt to a more solitary life.
My parents would either cook or order for me, and most importantly, I feared public transportation. However, even though I don't know how to cook, I largely became independent, but unfortunately, it seems that for my motherly neighbor, that isn't enough. I must isolate myself further, and make her see that I do not need her and that she can die confidently when the time comes.
I care not if external guidance will give me more comfort; too much comfort can make one weaker than they should be, especially when this comfort becomes a habit. How am I expected to extend my independence when I am tied to a guide?
"But there is a difference between disconnection and independence," she counterargued. What she doesn't understand is that I seek to be at least a bit stronger from the attempts to become more independent, which is why I seek solitude from her and from the world at large.
I recall the times where I had friends; that made me weaker because it was school, and we were confined to a classroom during free time and had to pass the time. Nowadays I can spend entire days without talking to anyone, just as the last couple of days have proven.
Those who do not understand will pay with disillusionment, and if I fail and they don't pay, then they will remain delusional despite my efforts to prove them otherwise. Once the truth has been attained, it must be proved through actions, as actions speak louder than words.
It seems that no matter how solitary I am, my mother will not recognize my independence; no matter how much I write, some people will still regard me as irrelevant. Thus, I will either try to prove them wrong, or I will die trying. At least I will confirm to myself, that I did not give up from the start, to prove my worth.
I welcome contributions, of course, but not help. I welcomed those who volunteered to write articles for this site with open arms, but when it comes to writing, as with life, no further help is necessary. If I use assistance too much, I will become weaker than I already am.
What incentive is there, therefore, for extra help, with an emphasis on "extra"? I already have an advisor, have used web design advice from someone else, and already live on welfare to survive. I sometimes think to myself, "How much lower can I get in terms of self-strength, in terms of greater independence?" I will not disappoint myself by succumbing to weakness, and I will try not to disappoint due to hypocrisy.
I must be more alone than I already am, as if that wasn't enough. All who know me will at least recognize, my intention to philosophize from an existential standpoint -- the need to sacrifice life's features. Feature by feature, gone for good, in the name of legacy and immortalization A life of great comfort will therefore include a great deal of potential material abandonment; and habits are difficult to simply discard.
