Sometimes pride could be found in dysfunction. Nonetheless, it is something that many might fear, especially those who try to deceive others. Those who were caught scamming, might deny this fact, instead of being mature enough to apologize. After all, those who scam, find no pride nor achievement in apologizing, or in other words, in confessing one's flaws openly.
Being taller than the average Israeli, I lived most of my lifespan thus far in great pain in the neck, because people were almost always shorter, so bending over my neck became natural. The constant ache began one day at Elementary; Even in adulthood, it never stopped in my waking life. I drink coffee even when I'm not tired as it helps with the pain.
This pain that has been lasting for the majority of my lifetime, has taught me an important lesson in life: Acceptance. Perhaps, if my neck wasn't dysfunctional, life would've been harder to endure. If you get the reference to my philosophical symbol, my neck has become a pillar that taught me endurance.
With time, I became less and less sensitive to things, to the point of being apathetic, to things that makes many people either disturbed or triggered; Perhaps this is why I write about dark stuff like it's nothing, even if these dark stuff involve myself.
A person I once was in contact with eventually left me due to her extreme sensitivity to things I don't regard emotionally so much, and the person whom I consider my "nemesis", abandoned me twice due to my own emotion... Of course, when I had the opportunity to ask her, why was she so frightened by a mere emotion, an opportunity which I seized, she didn't answer me.
You know, pain isn't that bad once you get used to it. The attempt to avoid any pain as much as one can, would most likely be met with failure eventually, because life cannot be lived without a fracture of pain, at least.
Of course, the enjoyment of pain is illogical and dangerous, as it could lead one to make regrettable things, but if you are already in pain, and might fail at stopping it, why not try to find something good in it? You know, to actually better endure it?
A certain medical professional once gave me some advice I find the most practical to this day, regarding my neck pain -- try to bend it backwards, so its positioning would eventually become default. However, despite all the years that passed, I failed at this restoration.
This logically means, that I might experience this pain for the rest of my life. Being used to it, I don't really mind this "hell" anymore.
That's why, I take pride in this dysfunction. Pride, not because it's unusual, but because it taught me things, I might otherwise be unaware of.
I see people across the internet, trying to mask their vulnerabilities; Old people, pretending to be millennials; Scammers, pretending to be offering genuine help to potential victims; Narcissists, pretending to be perfect; Women, putting extravagant make-up to hide their true faces, and finally, people in general, pretending to be rich.
I no longer view these people with awe, specifically the braggers and the more beautiful. With this pain, it really means very little to me, anymore.
I look up to a certain fictional character whom I mentioned before -- General Skarr, who ran with scissors as a kid and scarred his left eye permanently and ruining its ability to see with it. He never wore an eyepatch, and although he is a cartoon character aimed at children in the early 2000's, the fact that we can see a visible eye that is purely white, is quite impressive.
After all, that eye is dysfunctional, and it's probably very painful for him to have it exposed as if it's a regular eye. People wear eyepatches for a medical reason, to keep the eye healthy as one can.
Lately, I've learned the reason as to why he never covered his scarred eye: "eye patches are for little girls and children pretending to be pirates". It was a quote of his I heard yesterday. Such pride in something that is a liability, is something I find inspirational, and perhaps you, too.
How many of us humans are prepared to expose our flaws? How many of us, are prepared to not only admit that they are imperfect, as we all are, but also take that imperfection, and not sigh with submission?
Mind you, Skarr said that quote of his to someone who also couldn't see with their left eye and used an eyepatch. A weird flex, to be sure, but a thought-provoking one.
