Recognition of "Force" -- The Philosophy of Razor Reapkvar

(The following article can be seen as a prequel to this article, that expands on this character of mine)

(Further analysis on him can be found here)

(Not for the faint of heart, I guess)

In this fine evening, I'd like to tell you the story of a fictional character I created in a Dungeons and Dragons-esque game, whose story we can all learn from, and apply our understanding of to each of us. The story itself was made intuitively, and nothing of it was made for this article. It was only when I realized how it affected me, its creator, that I decided to share it with you as well.

Razor Reapkvar is a lowly, unlikeable half-orc who earns his living by fighting for the sake of killing. He is a very violent character, not because he is bloodthirsty, but because he suffers from hallucinations that no one, including himself, understands.

They will forever remain a mystery, and yet their power is recognized by both Razor and his victims. No one actually knows how these hallucinations look to Razor, but what is certain is, that they tell him of a certain acronym whose meaning is unclear, just like the illusions' existence in his mind.

However, I know of their meaning, and perhaps you do too if you are familiar with games. EXP stands for Experience Points. We know their purpose in the grand scheme of things -- they are a resource we collect in games, mainly through killing or other activities, in order to make ourselves stronger or at least more skilled in whatever area of proficiency.

However, in a world of fantasy, where its inhabitants are unaware of this essential concept, it remains unknown, like anything else that cannot be discovered in a primitive era of civilization. Like what? Like the Americas, like germs, and even today, like what happens to a consciousness after it ceases to exist.

The fewer killings that are made, the more intense these frustrating hallucinations get. Thus, in order to keep them quiet, Razor kills without discrimination. This is what makes him evil, even though he has no evil intentions. His only desire in life is to rest, in a way that will quiet these voices. Surely that ambition is good, right?

It practically isn't because, even morally, the end does not justify the means. In a world without psychologists, therapists, or medication, the only way Razor can satisfy these mental tyrants inside his deluded head is to slaughter.

Not being aware of it, pleasing his hallucinations also means that he gets stronger the more he kills. That is the point of getting XP, regardless of which life you got it from. His constantly increasing strength means, that fewer people not only wish to not be associated with him, but are also more and more unable to stop him and his madness.

Unloved by the world whose population he kills, Razor understands another thing: that he cannot be redeemed, cannot be loved. Nothing can truly stop his illness; the only thing that is close to that result is the satisfaction of his hallucinations.

There is no escape, only more E.X.P., a vital power, at the price of towns, cities, and nations; humans, elves, and even his own brethren; every single living being, is but a possible means to seize, in order to satiate the madness within, at least for the time being.

Some of us have that methodology, do we not? This short-term thinking, whose preference is only possible because there appears to be no permanent solution. It's not only about killing in a fantasy world; it is also about money, debt, and other things we need to satisfy for them to be off our backs for at least a while. I myself suffer from a coffee addiction.

I need to drink coffee every few hours when I'm awake. I feel a strange "force" calling me to consume coffee; something very physical that craves for it. It's not even mental; it is sensational, or of the senses. Unlike Razor, I enjoy satisfying my addiction, because coffee is tasty for me, and no harm is being done. However, I know that I am, in a way, a slave to that drinking problem, like Razor is a slave to the demand of his hallucinations for more "experience points".

Not all of us have such slaveries, but some of us do. Addictions or anything else that needs to be maintained, or else it ruins us. If we are not able to afford food for our pets, they will either abandon us or starve. If we do not pay our bills, we will not have electricity, water, or gas; if we won't tell our significant others that we love them, nor show signs of affection, they might leave us or at least question our love for them and our worth in their lives.

Razor's surname, "Reapkvar", is something I added only afterwards, because originally, he did not have a surname. In Hebrew, "kvar" means "already", and thus, like we need to live for the next paycheck, Razor needs to kill eventually, or else he will be more tormented by his unknown madness.

Landlords, bosses, teachers, drill sergeants -- we all have at least one being we ought to please in some way, or else consequences will be made. That is what we learn as students in schools, and that is what I learned as well. If I don't get the homework done before the deadline, I will be viewed as a lesser student by my superiors, no matter how much they told me they "love" and "respect" me.

My entire life as a student was but an attempt to not be the one who will be yelled at for incompetence. I enjoyed learning new things, but ultimately, I always knew, from the very beginning, that it was compulsory and that I did not have a choice in the matter.

This is why I might become a hermit, even if not a full one, outside this site's management. The idea of failing to "make due" is something that terrifies me to this very day. Therefore, I don't have any obligations to the world, other than the necessity of bill-paying and taking care of my cat.

Like Razor's hallucinations, the world in my eyes is very stressful and demanding, and therefore, even though I recognize its existence over me, I want none of it beyond what I need as a human and as a writer. I cannot dominate or destroy the world, nor can I overcome it. All I need is to live alongside it until I die.

Should it demand something from me, like voting for the next candidate in my country, I'll do that civilian duty without question, and should someone want my insights on something, I will give it to them, for that is my duty as a philosopher. However, like Mr. Reapkvar over there, I will rest in solitude until the next demand, the "next calling," comes. That is how I have been engineered by socialization, and that is how I will function; in accordance with what greater "forces" than me, wish me to do.

Like with actual mental illness, there is no true liberator from this "contract" with said "forces", and even the rich must pay in order to live, just like the poor need. The only true liberator from life's constant "contracts" is something that exists beyond mortality: death. This is why I will live in accordance with the duties I either chose for myself or have to do by obligation, and I will die without struggle when the time truly needs to come.