On Being Severely Misunderstood Over the Years -- The Tempt of Misanthropy

It seems that there is a very wide misconception about exhaustion and tiredness, a misconception that may see them as one and the same, if not synonymous.

However, based on my experience as a chronic fatigue sufferer, that is not the case at all.

Have you wondered if it is possible to be both exhausted and alert at the same time, without a bit of sleepiness or tiredness?

It's possible, and it's happening right now, inside me, as I attempt to write this article. People may have the misconception that, "Ah, because it is night, then I am just tired and should get ready for bed."

What these people fail to understand is that the night isn't necessarily the reason for people to be sleepy.

What are, then, the differences between the two terms? Tiredness is a specific type of "exhaustion" that can only be properly solved through sleep.

It is normal to assume that, when one is tired, they should sleep, so they will not be tired the next day. However, exhaustion in general isn't necessarily solved by sleep, even if sometimes it is.

Have you ever tried sleeping when you're not feeling tired at all? I don't know about you, but I tried several times before, and instead of falling asleep, the intensity of the emotion at hand was only severed.

Thus, due to my low energy reserves, I cannot sleep when I'm not tired, even if I am exhausted and even if it's nighttime. Forcing myself to sleep would, in other words, only make the annoying emotion worse.

It is a stereotype associated with those who suffer from chronic fatigue, as I've learned on my own. Resting, not being physically active, watching something on TV, or whatever... None of these things decrease my exhaustion.

In almost any moment of my life, I feel as if I can easily be misunderstood due to the fact that my disabilities are far less known than those of the blind and the deaf.

I could be misunderstood by anyone, from strangers online who have no idea what I have, to my own family. That is only making my desire to interact with this world even less existent, beyond writing.

Explaining the world again and again is exhausting enough as it is. The depth of miscommunication that has accumulated throughout my life has only tempted me to become a misanthrope, even though I don't want to become one.

Some people have it easier in life because their problems are better understood, and, thus, accepted and tolerated.

If I were normal, I would have printed a piece of paper that said, "I have Asperger's," and pasted it to my forehead, so people would understand that autistic people, highly anxious people, and easily exhausted people exist just as much as people with any other disability!

As to why the world fails to understand that over and over again, it is unfortunately beyond me.

Due to such misconceptions, which can occur as much as they already have, I feel a great drive to isolate myself from the world; to disable commenting on some social media, to have my ears permanently blocked by headphones, to avoid having a social life, and to avoid romance entirely.

The need to explain, to those who already know what you have and don't is very frustrating. The simplest solution is to just learn to lead a life of major solitude.

So, no. The fact that it is nighttime does not mean I should sleep just because I am exhausted. Doing so would only result in greater misery, caused by said syndrome.

As to the actual remedy for such an emotion, I myself have yet to realize a concrete way to deal with it, other than suffering in silence until it passes.

When you might ask yourself, "Why do some people prefer to be left alone?" consider the possibility that it is because of the constant miscommunications that make certain people publicly shame other people, online or offline, due to their own lack of knowledge.

With every person, it is almost the same, especially with those who feel the desire to make you feel bad about yourself, as if it's your fault, that you have certain conditions, that are beyond your control.

People who tell you to go and be quiet don't understand that you're autistic, and not arrogant. People who tell you they would punch your articles, because you don't have enough energy reserves to conduct proper research.

People who cause you PHYSICAL PAIN, even if through stress, because they don't understand that you are addicted to coffee and use it as a painkiller!

As I experienced the world, I realized that the more you're understood, the less likely others are to go out of their way to condemn you for your own incompetence. Such is the unexpected turn of events!

There are so many conditions and illnesses out there, but as long as they are not marked on your body or visible in any other way, then no, it cannot be that people with illnesses one does not know actually exist and use the internet like I do!

Of course, this is sarcasm, but the possibility that the other side has a disability or illness that one is unaware exists within them appears to be very common in this world. What? No, of course he cannot be autistic; he is arrogant. No, of course he isn't chronically fatigued; he's just too lazy to do any research while writing!

Do you now see the temptation to become a misanthrope? It feels absurd, sisyphic. No matter how many people you'll be able to convince of your actual disability, there will, allegedly, be more and more who will come in their stead and, like the former, try and make you feel bad about yourself.

Bad about what? For wanting to contribute? For wanting to do something good for society, and not just live like a leech from welfare funds. Why is it something that I should feel sorry for?

Understand that people might be more complex than they seem, and that your first impression of them might be further from the truth. It is almost "funny" that some people think that they know people as well as they think they do.

As if having a lifetime of interactions, is sufficient to confidently and correctly determine who every man is based on one's impression of that man's behavior. As if a lifetime of interactions with others is the same as having full mastery of the proper interpretation of any human behavior they come across.

I don't pretend to have that mastery at all, especially because of my Asperger's, but some people -- perhaps you -- do. As if calling out someone for being mentally ill, is purely their fault, and not possibly the product of the environment or of genetics. Fully or partially.

I feel very, very resentful towards how the education system intended to make me. A coward who should always keep disturbing things to himself, even if said things are worth discussing; a coward who should always obey his authorities, and so on.

I had enough, and from now on, my tolerance for someone's delusion that they understand me, especially if they're a stranger, will be very low. I don't like being this misunderstood, but I will just have to live with it, like "everybody else", as the saying goes.