How To Stop Being a Victim (By Mr. Mandoela Svarl)
Updated: Mar 24
(Disclaimer: The guest posts do not necessarily align with Philosocom's manager, Mr. Tomasio Rubinshtein's beliefs, thoughts, or feelings. The point of guest posts is to allow a wide range of narratives from a wide range of people. To apply for a guest post of your own, please send your request to mrtomasio@philosocom.com)
Ms. Tamara Moskal's synopsis:
Vctim personality has its roots in being bullied in childhood and often is a result of the child becoming the scapegoat of the family. The feeling of helplessness in adulthood is a reconstruction of the trauma. This article is a testimony of a victim of incestuous sexual abuse in childhood. The author explains how to escape the cycle of mistreatment by leaving the toxic environment and becoming independent. In the path of healing, breaking the silence about the abuse and giving it its proper place is vital to overcoming the victim mentality.
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Introduction
Hello everyone. Today, I want to talk about victims. I will explain in my own easy words and give an example to the victims of how this is expressed and what the victims are. And how can
philosophical insights treat it?
A person who has been bullied. The root of this is from childhood. The situation makes her feel helpless and unable to act. This feeling is a reconstruction of the trauma.
Case Study
For example, if a girl was forced to keep a secret about her uncle's s**ual assault from early childhood. Her parents beat her, blamed her for everything, and brainwashed her. And they a**** her in front of her sisters.
In fact, in the example I present, she is just girl. An innocent person. One who does not understand life and how to act in danger. For the parents do not provide her with a source of psychological safety.
Feeling terror, fear, repressed anger, repressed depression. She can't talk to her parents about it. That girl learns to keep a terrible secret that affects her forever. And so, she will feel self-worthless,
humiliated, disdainful, and confused, in which she, on the one hand, must survive in the cruel world.
On the other hand, she is not taught boundaries. And her parents and sisters do not stand by her. You are probably familiar with the subject in schools. But in fact, bullying starts at home. In front of the family. To be truthful, it is usually the scapegoat for Azazel and the small family behind
closed doors.
Her victimization will manifest itself in self-hatred against herself. She will be afraid to succeed because if she grows up, her parents will be afraid that the secret will go out ASAP, which leaves that girl in a repressed depression. One, in which she is not allowed to express anger.
Anger in such a situation is significant for mental health. She is not allowed to speak ill of her parents. And she must see her uncle every week. After all, he is part of the family. And her family stands by him and not by their daughter.
On the other hand, her parents will say that they love her. Everything will be talk. It is essential to look at the actions. They will tell her that she is their home. But on the other hand, her mother told her it was a shame they didn't have an abortion before she was born.
And behind her eyes, they will gossip about her to teachers, friends, and the extended family. And all to isolate her. That she will feel social isolation and feel that she is incapable of changing the harsh reality. And usually, yes, especially in childhood, you cannot change the truth. Usually, children don't run and tell what they're going through.
The teachers don't see them as the same victims. Their parents humiliate them behind the scenes. And she feels alone in a dangerous world without knowing how to face this world.
Without being able to understand her feelings because they won't take her for treatment. And without being able to express them in words. Since anything she says will be a threat to her parents.
This impossible and uncontained situation causes her to explode. The same explosion continues in reconstructions even in her adulthood, even if she leaves her parents' house. Even if you go to them, she is still not normal because she lives an abnormal life. She felt stuck—a victim situation. She does not know what genuine kindness is. And she denies the evil of her parents to survive life.
She does not have respect for herself because her soul was desecrated. She is not allowed to speak. And every word is checked. That girl, in her adulthood, felt invisible. Full of overwhelming and negative thoughts that are mercilessly thrown at her by her parents. Sometimes, it is also from her teacher and the children in her class. Since everything is restored to her, then other kids hurt her. Teachers do not see her pain.
Because she learned to hide it, they did not help her. Some do see but don't want to interfere, and there are many. That girl in adulthood felt toxic emotions and was full of negativity and helplessness because, compared to others, she did not learn boundaries. And how to keep it.
She was not a proper and individual person because her parents rummaged through her things to prevent her from telling the teachers.
That self-value of hers was canceled. Her parents use silent treatments. To make her feel guilty and ashamed.
I write all this because I know this girl. That there was such a girl. That's how she also got bullied at school. Usually, in schools, this is said and taught. But the root of it is silence. That's why I write about it.
The same girl feels that she is separated from her friends at school. Because she is not allowed to tell, and that is how she is guilty. Her parents. And that uncle of hers who hurt her and continues to hurt her.
She no longer has the strength to ask her parents, especially her mother, not to bring him home repeatedly. She feels the need to protect herself, but she does not have the mental power for that. She is one against many.
And the majority effect, unfortunately, has an impact. Many don't want to understand that her parents hate her, even if they say they love her and care for her. When she is socially isolated, her parents start spreading nasty rumors about her. And take the truth of something she told them and make it look terrible.
And they embarrass her in public. Or at home with the door closed. Usually, they threaten her behind closed doors. They spoke ill about her best friend and isolated her from any help. And excused it with fact that she was a bad girl.
That they are not seeing, who loves her, and that's how you will learn her body is theirs. They make hand gestures, fists, and rude gestures and blame her for everything. They buy her
cheap clothes. And to her sisters, they purchased expensive clothes and spoke well about them. The sister took the side of the mother.
She is disadvantaged because she is not like her sister. They deny the evil and what was done to her, claiming that she exaggerates. And that she has a mental illness.
And it is not correct. And it is going to places like school, university, or work. To make others hate her, to shame her for past mistakes that are the ones who bullied her. In this situation, the same child is not equal to her parents. Because she is just girl, and they are significant. She is one of many. And that is the narrative of bullying -- of exploiting the weak intentionally.
Her parents and acquaintances are experienced in humiliating her on the sly, and she is alone. They constantly tease her, create drama, threaten to cause harm, and cause damage.
The Path to Recovery
After recording a large part of the negative emotions that this girl went through, I want to tell you a secret: How is it possible in such a situation of bullying? Any bullying is against a weaker individual. Of a different status. Other status. Another ability to stand up to herself or many. What
should you do to take care of it?
It won't be easy.
In such a situation, the girl is alone. And they won't always be able to contact the police because she is alone. In front of many, it takes a lot of mental strength, which she doesn't have. She must try to get out of the danger zone. Her parents' house is a dangerous place.
To pass this challenge for a good, better life, she must already be an adult. She must first practice mindfulness and understand the mental pain caused to her. She must realize that it is not her fault. That she is not alone. That many more are silenced. And sign up for a support group of people like her.
I recommend more than a psychologist, which is one on one. Since that girl thinks she deserves it. And so, it is in adulthood. Therefore, she must see women like her. Of course, there are also boys like her. They should go to a support group for such men.
She must understand in her maturity that these people, even though they are her parents and her complex family who cooperated and teachers and acquaintances, harmed her and did not promote her in any way. They are not what they present and are not the best family and country to live in.
She should stop distorting reality for herself with their excuses. And listen to her inner voice. She must understand that she deserves a chance to succeed.
She deserves respect and appreciation for who she is and to be true to herself even if her parents call her selfish. Who "stood by herself". To understand that being against such people and cutting off an ill connection for her mental health, is crucial. And mental health is important above all. She must express anger and not allow an "accusing voice" to remain silent and let people hurt her. She must learn to set boundaries to protect herself as an individual.
Separate her thoughts from them, too. It's theirs, not hers. And she must become financially independent. And to understand that they caused her harm, even if they were good to her too, sometimes it is not their true face behind closed doors. This is exceedingly difficult to do
if you are entirely alone.
Therefore, the importance of the group is a supreme value. It is enough for one person to help her escape. One person will believe in her and help her to succeed and move forward.
She doesn't want it. But she was silent. Her acquaintances from a complex family also call her out. They take the parents' side and other people.
Therefore, she must protect herself. Understand that it is worth it, just with the case of any person.
She was wronged. She is aware of it. But in her adulthood, she is no longer helpless. She has a choice. She should know how to ask for help and take advantage of an opportunity if she finds
someone to help her.
She must earn enough money to support herself. The more she goes through bullying with more people, the more mentally she is hurt. Usually, such people will rule by stealing money and taking advantage of their target.
She must understand that it will take time to recover if she leaves. But she is not alone. And being alone is better than exploitation and harm. She must learn to protect her interests. Understand that
mental health is vital to her.
Those who ignore that, exploit it, and pass information to those people are the problem.
She must learn self-love even if her inner voice hates her because it sits on her self-worth. She must understand that with them, she cannot be authentic. And being authentic is essential for the soul.
That group of people envied her. And caused the creation of a cooperative dependency to damage her freedom. She must understand that they are different from her. That's although she is modest and learned and programmed to talk about the bad, even though they isolated her and destroyed her relationships with friends.
She cannot listen to them. She must ask herself what made her listen to them and stay in the toxic environment. If she doesn't have people with her, getting out of this situation will be very difficult. If she is with them, it will also be impossible to change that. Such people enjoyed her pain, even if they told her their intentions were pure. And even if they said they love her because she is their daughter.
She must understand that she has reduced evil, by not staying in this vicious cycle. The abolition of evil in humanity. The reduction of corruption as if it had never been. It's the repression that got her stuck with them in the first place. And they are self-interested and do everything to destroy her. She must understand that now they spoke badly about a friend who loved her.
They asked for details of conversations and talked to other people behind her back. It indicates hatred. Even if they tell her and others that she is the one who hates them, they are liars and the majority effect is not valid.
Society somehow influences a lot and does everything by enabling them to "take care" of her problems. To "love" her. To pass information about her to others, whether state institutions or welfare, and therefore sabotage her independence as someone who is mentally injured. She must understand that some sharing is destructive, but good people exist.
And you will surely know them, if you try.
She must consider that there will be those whom she must leave because her parents and siblings have already made a smear campaign against her. She must believe in herself. And avoid agreeing to self-judgment.
Summary
Understand that she is a solitary, weak individual, and there is a limit to the judgmental voice within her. For years, she neglected herself. Pay attention at the beginning of contact, especially to red lights, because she can't see either after a while and remains blind.
She should express anger. And who silences her rage? It makes her hate herself and be angry with herself. And she needs to understand that. Anything like that destroys her emotional system.
By expresing her distress and giving it its proper place and value, she will be able to overcome her victimized mentality. And we can understand what will become of it. And how to break away from these kinds of people who normalize and enable those who give such mentality a place.
This story is a true story. I don't want to mention names to preserve their integrity.
Thank you. This will give you tools to deal with the victims through the story I wrote. And understand the mentality of victims, better.
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