This is part of a series that I decided to build for you. Browse the first part as a summary to what I'm going to write here.
I finally realized the source of my pain, a chronic, physical pain that has lasted for 10-20 years. I finally understand that it comes from trauma. From the connection between mind and body. From the fact that we can experience psycho-somatic sensations and emotions, and thus, the philosophy of dualism is not entirely correct. For we are, in a sense, body and mind. Because even if we may have automatic systems within us, even if we have an automatic portion of the self, we still exist as one, somehow. As a singular entity, made up of components that cooperate with each other in unison.
And should a component be damaged, it can harm the other components, forming the entity that is the human being. Should one of the wheels of your car be lacking air, it can harm the overall performance of your vehicle. Thus, should you solve the problem in that specific wheel, the car can be driven better towards its destination.
Yes, my mind is heavily traumatized. And I've been experiencing the implications of these traumas for most of my life, ever since childhood. I've always been serious, and treated every task very seriously. Never really undermining anything. The traumas, ultimately, made me the professional that I am. The one with the soldier's mentality, who cares to carry out all his tasks, whether giving or given.
Somehow, I managed to not only drive this metaphorical vehicle without fixing it for good, but also use its faults for my own advantage. By utilizing the flaws inflicted by trauma, in order to improve myself in my roles throughout life.
Because anxiety and stress, while harmful, do have their own merits. And pain can be a great teacher as well. By denying myself the practicality of curing this pain, the ascetic life had become far, far easier. Why? Because I suffer anyways. What's a little more suffering going to do?
And when you are stressed, you may find yourself having an easier time focusing. And also, to have a good enough amount of concern to get things done. And when you are anxious, should you be able to restrain yourself, you can use it to live more safely, thus contributing to your own survival.
After all, these sensations and emotions are natural. They are there to keep us safe. Their point is for you to avoid experiencing the same traumas again. It is but the way of the mind to adjust to the future, based on past experiences. That is, of course, assuming that your mind is still functioning properly, after whatever you have witnessed throughout life.
In other words, face a "sufficient" amount of trauma, and you may unconsciously use it to become stronger mentally. Because enduring around 10 to 20 years of chronic pain in your every waking moment is no easy task. My neck has been in pain since the near-end of the 2000s. It has been stiff as wood by default, ever since.
The pain is tiring, don't get me wrong. And I don't like it. But I for some reason still keep it unchecked. The reason is simple: I maintain my pain tolerance in the name of work. I work so much because I am used to the agony. And since I view this work as my life's purpose, I have little problem essentially locking myself in my hermitage and working. There are days where I don't even sleep.
It may sound bizarre to turn the same liability into an asset. But when you get used to discomfort, life becomes more bearable than otherwise. Because if you are riding a damaged car in a very long and desolate road, you have no choice but to tolerate the liability until you reach your destination, somewhere in the horizon. The liability of pain thus becomes an asset when you use it for self-improvement.
That is done by understanding that some things deserve to be granted. They deserve to, because there might be other things at play that are more deserving of your attention. Put the pain and the suffering in the background, and should you develop a strong-enough tolerance for it, you may be able to tolerate whatever requires your attention, as well.
And the pain slowly but surely silences the inner screams inside me, wishing to be liberated from it. Why do I let it cancel my inner experience, hoping for salvation? Simple, but not quick to be understood: I use pain to fuel me, and give me energy. Because peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory!
AND THROUGH VICTORY, MY CHAINS ARE BROKEN, AND RELEVANCE SHALL FREE ME. Free me from being under the ceilings of irrelevancy! Of obscurity!
And it is only through a life of militant work on my goals that I will actually be someone in this careless, apathetic world! Yes! My initiative will be proven useful the more I work on it! And for that, I need to feel pain, so I will have the energy, the passion to succeed, and be purposefully frustrated by my current situation! By the fact that I was called irrelevant so swiftly and carelessly!
You will all benefit from my success! Benefit from new and newer articles! Benefit from other writers! Empires are built on ambition! And ambition is always the lack of peace from the current situation one is in!
Be aware of the sources of your pain, and the truth can set you free.
Note: There will be a third part, making this a trilogy.