Naturality of Trauma
Updated: Aug 13
There seems to be a large misconception about what "real life" means. It appears that there is only a specific portion of "real life" that is actually "real life", while the rest of existence is less "real"; as if there is a way to be more "real" than anything else that is seen as more esoteric, even if it isn't necessarily fictional, pure or partial.
For some people, hermits and loners have no "life". They are "dead" even though they are alive just like anyone else. It's as if a branch that falls in the woods is not as real as a branch that falls in the middle of a nature party. What is the difference between the two? That it is more "normal" for something to occur in the midst of many, and not alone, in their absence.
The thing is, hermits and loners exist just as much as anyone else, believe it or not. Our esoteric lifestyle is not less real than that of any socialite. We do not live in fantasy or in a sci-fi world, or any world that is different than yours. Our hearts beat the same, we have wants and needs, and so on.
Perhaps this delusion, that there are "more real and less real" things and beings in existence, comes from the fact that some may see solitude as a very unrealistic option to choose, when it comes to our daily lives. After all, isn't it fun to socialize, to argue, to go to parties, to immerse oneself in the dating scene?
I can at least say that for me, socializing is a threat; a threat on my mentality, on my ever-going search for peace and tranquility. Thus, I never see the need to socialize, when socializing, at least for me, reminds me of a traumatic past.
It is a fact that for some, trauma is inevitable. It is inevitable not because some people deserve it, but because it just happens. It happens like the blowing of the wind, like the sunset in the end of the day. It is actually a very natural phenomenon, because we humans, whether we intend it or not, oh-so "love" to scar others' mentality.
We scar them as if it is but a regular occurrence; scar them because "I feel like it", because of ideology and so on, without caring whether or not such infliction will have a long-term affect on their lives. But why should one care, when it is not one's own life? So is the cruelty of humankind, and not that of only cold-hearted dictators, but also of that of average-joes, people like me and you. That's how simple a mental scar can occur, and thus lead to a potentially lifelong illness of the mind!
I may only recently have had the audacity to admit it, but life has scarred me a lot without me ever being aware of it. A girl screaming in my ear in kindergarten, has probably led me to despise any form of screaming and be afraid of it like being afraid of a beating; being suddenly hit by a heavy projectile in school by a bully who got a criminal record for that; years of yelling throughout mandatory education made life a regular attempt to keep myself calm.
Feud with neighbors who didn't understand, nor cared, that I am disabled, thought I was harassing them when I just wanted some quiet; A former love-interest made me puke on a regular basis whenever I saw her; cyber-bullying by the world at Facebook because my autism made it hard for me to understand something; a man threatened me with a knife because I just wanted my now-dead dog to follow me, and the list goes on.
Since we humans are so easily capable of scarring one another, an important question should come to mind -- why desire the company of others, where there is much safety, much peace, in solitude? Let that sink in, that each day in your life, can lead to a trauma, without you even being aware of it. Anyone who doesn't like you can come and hurt you, whether physically, mentally or in any other form, and move on like it was nothing, while it is beginning to be embedded in your subconscious for the rest of your lifetime.
And what have you done to deserve this? All you have done is not be the version your abusers wanted you to be. That's how imperialistic we humans can be, with our great desire to impose our ideals onto the reality of others, and condemn them heavily for not following our own whims, even if we have no authority over them whatsoever.
Because of this realization, I feel no regret in my great desire to abstain from this world, as I have received enough mental scars from other people, largely strangers.
Thus, when desiring to interact with the world unnecessarily, one should consider the consequences, especially when meeting new people. Humans are not good by nature; that is a very naive notion.
Do something they don't like, and some won't hesitate to tear your mental state apart. That is how entitled, many of us are. Entitled to the product, to the end result, not to sympathy, to mutual respect and understanding. After all, the momentary whim—the tyrant of many—is quick to command us.
But since I now realize how traumatized I was. I only live life as a task.