The Sensitive Originator's Dilemma -- What I Chose

Anonymity is the loner's greatest ally. The more unknown you are, the less likely people will bother you. That is because, in the end, even negative reception is, ironically, a form of showing that you care for someone. Whether your presence in the world is received positively or negatively, the mere fact that you are being received, and not being left alone, is the most basic indication that people care for you, even if that caring is ultimately hurtful.

On the other hand, "too much" care, if such a thing even exists, could lead to a spreading of misinformation if you are being misunderstood. The more eccentric you are, whether by birth or by intention, the more likely your image will be received inaccurately as to who you really are, simply because people are often quick to judge. In such cases, not only will you not be left alone, you will also be harassed from time to time by people who are too confident in their wrong assumptions towards you.

Either way, if one is to become a public figure, such as an author, politician, philosopher, and so on, judgment, whether true or false, will haunt you from time to time. If you are introverted by nature, the reception will not always be easy, especially if you are sensitive. Therefore, if you, like me, are a sensitive person, and you wish to be known beyond the circles of friends, family, and coworkers, you must prepare yourself to the possibility that people will care about you, whether you like it or not, and no matter how that caring will be honored or utterly despicable.

I did not always want to be a philosopher. At first, I wished to become a hermit. I had fantasies of living alone, like I do now technically, with the exception of rarely communicating with the world. This was because of the hardships I went through in school, when very loud screams were frequent on a daily basis, and I craved for some silence and for the lack of social activities which were forced on me because I went to the autistic class and there was no better alternative such as a private school.

Anyways, I realized that if I were to decide to be a hermit, it would be greatly problematic to the use of my skills, because when you're a full-time hermit, you are not very likely to be remembered or have your skills be used by others (unless you're in a solitary job that won't be necessarily significant in its influence on the world). Therefore, the choice of being a hermit was a very difficult one to even consider, because it would be a great waste of both skill and time. I could've lived a more offline life, but that would entail not contributing to the world whatsoever; something which made me feel reluctant to consider a practical possibility.

To be sincere, I appreciate the courage of politicians to leave their private lives and become an authority greater than themselves; an authority that is within the sphere of a whole country. They did not have to do so, whether they craved for power or not.

They did not have to become a laughingstock in the eyes of the countless many of those whom they serve and those who they don't. It doesn't feel very good to be constantly laughed at, especially if you're sensitive, but that is the inevitable if one wishes to be distinctive in such a way that shall exceed their anonymous lives. Perhaps if I wasn't autistic and sensitive, I might've even considered becoming a politician, due to my great need to contribute to others.

But in the end, whether you're as graceful as Gandhi or as tyrannical as Kim Jong Un, the thought of an utter lack of negative reception during a public period of endeavor is a very naïve, unrealistic one. Sensitivity, therefore, can more often than not be a great obstacle in the path to public remembrance. If one wishes to become a public figure of any way, AKA, an author, an originator, founder or creator, one must fight against the sensitive desire to withdraw, to completely give up on an idea of which one wishes to lead and execute. Instead of being insulted, one should work on the fact that any reception is important enough, to serve as the evidence that you matter. If Donald Trump wasn't a politician or even a businessman, but just a clerk or had any other low-status job, only few would pay attention to his thoughts, whether with respect or with mocking laughter.

You should also remember this: we all live in public space and, unless we're imprisoned or institutionalized permanently, we all have a right to be present in said space, and also to express said presence. Some may try to put down the presence of others for whatever reason they find legitimate to do so, but it doesn't mean you should always back down and act in accordance to shaming, bullying, condescending or any other form of condemnation. Feel free to express your thoughts, because ultimately public space is a free space, and is not at the authority of moderation that isn't local.

The other option is to succumb to introversion, an option that some may choose to do when they face adversity. There is great peace in full hermitry, as I have witnessed myself, but with it one must give up the likelihood of their own contribution to the world, and instead remain as insignificant as an ant in terms of being remembered.

Whether or not future generations of my siblings will remember me, I can say for certain that I rarely remember any of my ancestors. I only heard of their existence from my parents and grandparents. Beyond pictures and the locations of their graves, I have no recollection of their existence. And even though I respect them for ultimately bringing me into the world, I can say for certain that I do not want to have the same fate of falling into obscurity.

I don't know about you, but I have made my decision in this dilemma: I will try to overcome my sensitivity, because in the end, it is nothing more than a counterproductive obstacle! I will give up on hermithood, as long as it will entail becoming bigger than myself, thus forming and preserving a glorious legacy.