My Philosophy On Having and Raising Children
Updated: Apr 19
Exploring the Choice of Parenthood
Children are a necessary burden, and obviously, without them, there would be no continuation of the human race. However, that alone does not mean that every adult has to bring children into this world. Even if children are imperative for our survival as a species, it wouldn't matter as much if a few adults decided that they wished to not have children at all and live their lives childless.
Not everyone is good with children, and that perhaps should be a good enough reason as to why not every adult should be a parent. The website, TherapyMantra, suggests the following reasons for how come some people don't get along with children:
Too immature and don’t want to deal with the responsibility.
Unpleasant childhood memories (Think of children serving as triggers to past traumas, which are natural in occurance).
Kids are annoying and disruptive to some people. Consider people with misophonia, a sensory disorder that causes people to experience distress by hearing certain sounds. In addition, introverts, people who are prone to suffer from social fatigue, might be drained energetically by the overwhelming company of children.
It is a skill, to care for the next generation, especially when they are babies or young children. It is a skill not everyone has. It is a skill not everyone want to develop. It's a skill that, without its development, the world will still carry on with the next generations of those who are more kid-oriented.
According to an article from 2021 published by PsychologyToday, 27% of Michigan adults are childfree. out of that percentage, only 4% of the adults were involuntarily childless. Now, ask yourselves, would the 10 million population of that American state survive with this statistics in the future?
Of course it would. The fact that the world population is so big, gives people the collective-scale privilage of not having children if so they wished, without risking the overall future of humanity. The idea that we do can't have that privilage in this contemporary era is unrealistic. It would've been realistic if we lived in a post-apocalyptic world. It isn't realistic in this era of material, capitalistic prosperity.
Should there be a parenting license for potential parents? Not necessarily, but anyone considering becoming a parent should ask themselves whether they are mentally and financially capable of enduring such hardship, without resorting to abuse. Without abusing a child, and thinking it's a good idea to do so. It's why a smart parent does not act on petty emotions. These emotions can make them abuse their children (and hence why rage shouldn't be unleashed unwisely).
Sure, children are cute, fun, and whatever. But in the end, they are a great responsibility, and even a mature adult wouldn't necessarily be able to execute this whole ordeal on their behalf. Not all of us have the required empathy and compassion to raise children who won't become cold-hearted. That's unless, of course, you want to raise cold blooded hitmen like Marco and Leonel Salamanca from "Breaking Bad".
But do you really? Well, the freedom of choice allows you to make such regrettable moral mistakes. After all it's the dark side of liberty.
Either way, people should not be forced into having children. Perhaps it is expected in some cultures for a married couple to do so, but in the end, it is a personal choice, not a societal one. After all, a democratic society has no say in the bedroom, let alone on your reproductive organs.
Surely, the country depends on the bedroom to produce the next generation of workers and leaders, but in the end, it is the choice of individual citizens as to whether to have children or not, as the reproducing organs belong to them and not to the country. Recognize that people are their own private property, unless you endorse slavery.
Briefly Exploring the Abortion and Adoption Debate
When it comes to abortion, this is a most difficult moral dilemma. Some people believe that a woman has every right to terminate her pregnancy, since her body is her private property. That's while others believe that abortion is murder, and of course, we shouldn't murder.
I have not made up my mind on this issue, but I believe that if a baby is born, and the parents are not capable of providing for and taking care of it, then it is best to send it to an adoption agency rather than aborting the pregnancy. I think it's better to give these next generations a chance at life, then to terminate their potential from the very beginning.
According to Lifesong.org, here are some notable people who were adopted, instead of aborted:
Eleanor Roosavelt, American diplomat and first lady.
Steve Jobs, the late CEO of Apple. inc, and inventor.
Leo Tolstoy, great Russian writer and philosopher.
Now, when considering abortion, consider the long term loss of not birthing the next Roosavelt, the next Jobs, or the next Tolstoy. Do not underestimate the virtue of genius.
And if the baby has the potential to live a proper life, why take it away from them? There should be no shame in sending a child into adoption if the parents believe that they are incapable of providing for it and raising it. It's far better than to abuse them.
Why Having Children Isn't for Everyone
Raising children is very difficult, even for a very willing parent, especially in their first years. The younger a child is, the more they depend on you to provide for them, not only financially but emotionally as well. Not everyone is capable of that.
Thus, before getting someone pregnant or becoming pregnant, one should ask themselves if they have the mental and financial prowess to take care of one or more children as best they can.
And just because you're attractive, have a good job, are good with the opposite sex, and so on, doesn't mean you're good with children. As previously stated, raising children is a skill of its own. They're a completely different matter that has nothing to do with attracting a partner with whom you can have children (beyond the act itself, at the very least).
To anyone wanting to raise children, I recommend taking courses in parenting and child development. Online, or otherwise. This will give you the tools you need to provide a happy, secure, and safe life for your children. Raising children is not something to be taken lightly. It is a big responsibility, and it is important to be prepared.
I believe that having children is a privilege, not a right. After all, if you want a partner to help you raise children, you must attract them. You're not entitled to have an act with them, and that's where incels are wrong. No. You're entitled to try, not to succeed.
Attraction is a skill that no one is entitled to. Like many skills it can be developed. You must know how to attract the opposite sex, make them love you, and vice versa. The law of attraction won't bring someone to your doorstep. It is your right to desire children. However, if you are going to have them in the traditional way, you cannot do it alone or with money. Another way is assisted reproduction, with all the issues that follow.
Conclusion
In the end, no one should be forced into having children if they do not want to. Our adult lives belong to us, as they are our own private property. Our decisions, as well, should be respected by those who are close to us. Solitary men, like myself who despise loud noises, might not optimally function as philosophers when children distract ourselves from our true purpose as individuals.
Soon-to-be parents do not know what kind of child they will give birth to. The child could be born with a deformity or suffer from birth complications. On they other hand, they could also become distinguished intellects. This is why I think it is important for people to be aware of what they are getting themselves into, even though the future is uncertain.
Ms. Tamara Moskal's Feedback
Having children should be seen as the great, if not the most significant, responsibility of human life. Therefore, the parent/s should be equally motivated and understand the consequences and sacrifices.
No child asked to be born, and this is why no child can ever be blamed for being born and being a burden. However, there are still many cultures and relationships where women have no power, education, or access to contraceptions.
At the same time, men abuse s** as a power tool, not caring or refusing to cooperate in avoiding impregnating women. In the opposite cases, women use children as blackmail to extort money from men. Both practices are disgusting.
The education and evolution of religious and cultural practices concerning sex, marriage, and having children are necessary to make the world less populated and populated with happy, trauma-free people. I believe that women have the right to abort their baby in the first months of pregnancy as the zygote is underdeveloped and can’t be categorized as a human being, similar to sperm or egg cells.
As pregnancy can not be prevented all the time and sex is a natural part of life, I don’t see the reason to punish the woman for going through an unwanted pregnancy. That has a significant effect on her body, mind, and career.
Children should be born from happy mothers, grow up in loving homes, or not be born. For me, it’s somehow strange that parents wanting to adopt a child must go through strict psychological screening and prove to have financial means and sufficient housing while every human can have their child not being able to care for them.
Also, I believe that crime, mental illness, dysfunctionality, and low moral standards are, to a high degree, a result of preventable childhood trauma entirely blamed on the incompetence or malice of parents. Only motivated, conscious, and emphatic parents should be “allowed” to have children for the sake of children, society, and humanity.
