According to a Jewish proverb, a little light can dispel much darkness. Keep this in mind if you are ever feeling depressed or worse. The proverb intuitively means that values associated with "light," such as love, compassion, and empathy, can help vanquish the darker features of reality, such as evil, corruption, and even vengeance.
Stare deeply into your own eyes. What do you see there? Beyond the restraints you place on yourself, consciously or unconsciously. The eyes can intuitively be the key to our very being, inside the shell that is the flesh. When I stare into my own eyes, I know exactly what I see, more than ever.
I see a man who is a shadow of his former self, corrupted by the darkness of humanity. He vowed to exterminate his emotions so he would not taste the agony of rejection again. A certain woman whom he loved told him that expressing emotion is a mistake, and later on punished him by boycotting him.
To make sure such trauma would not happen again, he engulfed himself in darkness. Fallen from grace. Tainted. He began calling himself a monk, and later on, the Undead Philosopher. He buried his emotions as much as he could to avoid experiencing the agony of rejection. The rejection of his light. His light within.
Within me, lies a child of light. The countless self-imposed barriers are there because of this world's darkness. I don't know about you, because I don't generalize hastily. I do, however, have faith in humanity. Faith that is, perhaps, more than I should.
Darkness can easily expand like a contagious empire of disease. Many would give up their light in exchange for survival and their ambitions. Some of them... lost that light permanently. That is, because many would prefer normalcy over morality.
We live in a very depraved world, morally. I would even say that we live in a sociopathic reality. A reality where our emotions, thoughts, and opinions don't really matter. They may matter only to those who care, and caring is an investment not all are willing to give. A reality where mockery is commonplace, and where shaming others for our personal gain is fine.
And even when caring is given, it is to be earned. Although a privilage, like relevance and like love, they are still the needs of many.
Ironic, but only if we assume this world is governed by the hands of true justice. For if there was true justice, those who do not deserve agony, would not have it.
Look at this video as an example for how depravity is normalized in exchange for entertainment. A common trend in animation, where someone gives a collar and cat ears to some people (usually women), and begs them to dance. Most of them dance reluctantly for that guy's pleasure, only because he begged them.
It is only "okay" because it is normalized. This is an example of how depravity is "fine" because it is normal. If we want to dispel some darkness in this world, we must be able to distinguish between what is normal and what is moral. We may claim that morality is either subjective or an illusion, but we should consider morality's function: To dispel darkness in the name of light. And if we give up on this very function as humanity, we can lose the humanity within us, as many people already have.
The mentally ill, the traumatized, the abused. For some reason, it is they who need help, and not the norms which allow unnecessary suffering in this reality.
And I prefer to be moral and eccentric, than immoral and normal. Norms are agreements. That does not mean we have to agree to them, for whatever reason.
Because when I look into the abyss of my eyes, I also see a terrible monster in chains. And I have no desire to awaken it permanently, and have it assume control.
A fight between light and darkness is to be considered as a realistic feature, if we truly want to dispel darkness. In others, and in ourselves. Darkness deserves to be reduced to a minimum, if we want to prevent the horrors that many human beings are capable of. From enjoying the degrading of others, to genocides.
Human horror exists when the dark defeats the light, and reigns supreme over the fate of the other. From one or two, to a whole nation of victims.
Within the darkness of the eyes, lies the original child of light. The original Tom, whom I tried to repress so much. With reason, with logic, and with an official rename.
This is who I was. This is whom I might never return to be. For darkness, unfortunately, has uses of its own.
Tomasio is no facade. It is Tom, plus the taint I gained from this unforgiving reality. A reality where I am currently a prisoner of my own home, due to my medical condition. If I was born with it, it can explain much of my lifelong sorrow.
Anyways! I deem it necessary to not be pure from dark. Hence I'm no saint and no guru. I am a human being who gave up his golden solitude for this enterprise. Because if I'll let people walk all over me, my agony would only grow unnecessarily. Thus! Darkness can partially be seen as a self-defense mechanism. For there are fools in this reality, like those who abused me, who care little for light. I need darkness to keep them away from me, so life would not be so depressing by impulsive abusers.
And yes! If it will mean I'll be able to survive better, I won't let anyone stand in my way. Ruthlessness, while dark, is often necessary, as not all deserve to be forgiven. Would you forgive a tyrant for traumatizing your country? Most likely not, if you have darkness. A counter-attack dark, if anything. To protect oneself from toxicity, by inflicting it on others.
It's only too bad that it does not contradict an insight that's deserved of mentioning: Dark breeds dark. Hence why light's important as well, even if more than its polar opposite. While it's the saintly thing to always choose light over dark, it might not always be the wise choice.
Because when we are hurt, we hurt as well. Consciously or otherwise. That is the natural circle of the abyss.
The abyss that engulfs my eyes.
It is, then, only sensible for me to not desire humanity, much. Just like humanity had no desire for my deceased grandfather, whom no one mourned. For he was too eccentric. His Little Light never mattered to anyone. If it mattered, perhaps people would've grieved him.
No one did.
For Light, for many, is too irrelevant.
If it means I'll build my empire, I won't be like him.
I'll be Mr. Tomasio.
