The Philosophical Musings of El-Tango the Warlord.. Part I: How To Be Normal
Updated: 1 day ago
The Rest of the Story:
(More to come!).
Story Introduction by Ms. Blade Dancer
The one-eyed warlord, El-Tango, has fallen from grace. His grand designs and mechanized empire, once symbols of his power, now lie in ruins, shattered by the otherworldly might of the antagonist, Shadow Shogunate.
Yet, in this defeat, El-Tango finds a peculiar kind of liberation. He embraces the absurdity of his existence and of his grand schemes. He sheds his mantle of the ruthless dictator and embraces the role of the philosophical sage.
Now, a mere wanderer, El-Tango attempts to seek solace in the mundane. He attempts training for the simple pleasures of ordinary life, while struggling to blend in with the crowd. He learns to appreciate the beauty of imperfection, the humor and irony of the human condition.
As he embarks on this new chapter, El-Tango faces the ultimate challenge... to become normal. It is a task as daunting as any battle he has ever fought!
The Philosophical Musings of El-Tango the Warlord. Part I: How to be Normal
El Tango, the Eyepatch Warlord, has found himself foiled once again by his otherworldly nemesis, Shadow Shogunate. His life is in shambles after her otherworldly powers vanished his past reality from him.
All of his mechanized toy soldiers, and much of his former empire, fell with the metaphysical touch of a light-hearted alien from another world. Yet, being so mesmerized by her, the ruthless warlord found it very hard to care anymore. All of his failures did not amount to nothing, as they developed this one-eyed swordsman from a fearful moralist into a moral paragon.
In fact, El Tango came to appreciate the hidden joys of defeat. It is something very few people learn, nor are willing to be grateful for.
Tango's automated syndicate belongs to a land of a different age. He hailed from the far away theocracy of Razra, a morally ambiguous country with lands as sparse as the distance between the stars themselves. It was settled by ruthless tribes of primitive marauders, who would often salvage the nation's many technological marvels and sell them for the highest bidder.
Refusing to be like them, the fanatic swordsman lost his left eye after confronting with a former love interest. Ironically, not by one of these gangs. Mad and visionary, El-Tango sought to not only rid Razra of these depraved bandits, but also automate the entire planet regardless of Razran society (and regardless of any society).
In his eyes, it was the ego of humans and other beings like the Shadow Shogunate, that prevented the world of being rectified from its many ego-based problems.
Saddened by the way the world goes with corruption and self-interest, El-Tango turned from an appreciated hero who saved people with his logical conduct, to a rejector of his own society. An anti-villain, the eyepatch swordsman waged wars against the world, disrupting communications worldwide for the sake of feeling forsaken like he wanted to in the shadowy bunkers he called his own.
Confusing people with his subverting nature, made to survive in the world as a one-eyed weirdo, Tango turned from a dictator to a Taoist sage, realizing the world he is in from his one remaining eye.
"Thank you, my lovely Shadow, for ridding me of my struggle", said El-Tango as he observed his former automated empire collapsing around him.
"What?" She looked at him. "You're weird".
"I know. Before I depart from Razra, please do not entirely destroy my original frameworks. Who knows? Maybe someone could use the good products they may provide them, and for free!"
"What if they salvage it like they always do?" Inquired the surprised, yet tired, Shadow Shogunate.
"Hohohohooho! They will always be well-protected. Remember, I am El Tango, the master of subversion!"
Awkward pause was made after his remark.
"Okay", replied the shadowy female alien. "Bye!".
The alien turned into a phantom and vanished.
Watching same of his empire still working, made El-Tango very pleased. At least he did good as well, not only harm!
With his bittersweet victory and defeat, El-Tango contacted that former love of his, Ms. Moskov, to hitch him a ride to the Kurook island nations. Feeling awkward, there were many brief moments of silence in that simple, simple chat.
"I promise I will not antagonize you when I'm there! Please! These marauders are attacking again!"
A brief sigh was heard on the other side of the communicator.
"Fine. It is the moral thing to do, unlike the many things you did, you weirdo".
"Thank-"
The communicator disconnected by Moskov's own choice.
After a while, Moskov's humble flying fortress landed in Razra. From the entrance landed a melancholic lady that cares not about this god-forsaken land. The missiles and screams of the barbarian marauder gangs looting the villages for the next ingenious artifices to smuggle and sell.... The constant agony around her did not matter to her. She was as alien as Shadow Shogunate, however, she was just an average human being.
"Are you coming?" Asked Moskov's irritably. "And I am requesting you that you stop lecturing me about the agony around me and how we can solve this or anything. I don't care."
The partially-disheartened former anti-villain smiled and carried himself along with her, slowly turning oblivious himself as well. However, due to his moral complexities, the apathy grew very, very slowly.
The mundane, cheap flying fortress flew away. Roars of engines and elevator jazz from her radio obscured the constant suffering of the traditional Razran people and their internal political struggles.
El-Tango was fatigued and happy and sad. This genius madman enjoyed experimenting with emotions even when he realized he should retire from his philosophical attempts to rectify the world with his mysterious plans. His many followers have their own lives in the miserable lands of Razra, and he sees less and less of a reason to subjugate them when they seem well-rested and somewhat satisfied amidst their daily struggles with these pesky bandits.
The Eyepatch Swordsman was never a Marauder nor your average Razran. Whenever he was and lived in he was always an alien. Traveling one time to the distant land of Bacon Bay did not make him less or more of an alien.
In his spare time he enjoyed researching the many cultures and societies of his world, and turned into a very esoteric expert of them, specifically the unfortunate Orwellian Barony. However, both a romanticist and a relentless depressed samurai-like leader, he failed catering his genius accordingly no matter where he found himself at.
His romantic depression made him both a very brilliant mind and a man who kept fulfilling everyone he talked to, with awkwardness. With almost all of his interactions, the El-Tango awkwardness was always, always mutual. His existence felt more cartoonishly than realistic in a universe other weirdos like him might find to be just a cosmic joke and a piece of fiction.
The Kooruk Island nations were peaceful and civilized. Far more than the weird Razran grasslands El-Tango lived most of his life. The expanse of a more-upstanding, modest nation mattered less to El-Tango as he was still determined to find another morally-grey lair to rectify the world from.
"Finally! We arrived! I, the philosophical swordsman, thank you!"
"Yeah, whatever", muttered Moskov. "Just enjoy yourself and live me alone. Forever".
This was the last time she ever spoke to him.
All alone, El-Tango arrived at his lair. A small, underground location he deemed his new hideout from the world that forsaken him and he forsaken it.
There, he made many, many grandiose plans, until he finally realized there is no point to it. He could still control his automated empire using his technology, however he soon realized he needed to do what most people in the world already did long ago and long after him: To live normally.
Stressed at the thought of acting normal in Kooruk, El-Tango applied internal emotional manipulation to calm himself and his Razra-related PTSD symptoms. Then, went outside and observed the Koorukans, who appeared far more normal than he was in both Razra and Bacon Bay.
His many analyses of the Koorukans mattered very little for them, as he observed them and multitasked with his genius brain. Most of them were as oblivious, fatigued and self centred as Ms. Moskov herself. They always minded their own business in their upstanding, civilized clothes, sat in cafes and enjoyed the scenery in idleness.
At first El-Tango did not like this at all. Yet, as he studied the Koorukans in both thought and observation, he realized that it's how life should be lived in general. A life where one's problems are not philosophical or grandiose, but ordinary and mundane. This brought the mysterious swordsman to a very, very chilly mentality, which helped him cure his depression.
Studying a sacred scroll, "How to be Normal", written by a follower of his automated cyberpunk empire, he realized it is a path he should practice in life for his independence from his own empire.
That former subordinate was not even a human, but a member of a long-forgotten tribe of rabbits. Being able to blend so well with the Koorukans, El-Tango was very impressed by her. In fact, many of his biological followers and associates, human or otherwise, seemed to blended in with the world's major human population better than himself.
That's despite the fact El-Tango was blessed with being a human. A very, very weird human, but a human nonetheless. A human he was, is and will always be, as much as the Razrans, the Koorukans and the folk of Bacon Bay are. After all, he isn't a powerful alien like Shadow Shogunate, nor a socially-competent rabbit humanoid like she, Bushido Rabbit, is.
He is simply a human with very developed cognition and very developed emotions who had a lot of things to think and feel about the world around him. While he could lead very well, deep inside he just likes thinking and helping people, despite his shenanigans with his own kind, the humans.
He led many esoteric humanoid races as his loyal apprentices, from the studious Shadow Men collectives to the nomadic Viper Men. Other than the one Bushido Rabbit whom he fell in love with, the world around him contained many, many rare humanoids whom he sworn to his service to rectify this weird reality he is in.
Yet the weirdness was always perceived, and always will. Yet, El-Tango always knew deep inside him that there is a world outside of his lens. Now begins the time to venture beyond his lens! Practically, and permanently....
Stay tuned for more!
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