How to Distinguish Your Allies -- The Parasocial Fallacy

(Philosocom Directory on Friendship)

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The Illusion of Connection: Recognizing the Parasocial Fallacy

A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship that we have with people we do not interact with physically. It is not to be confused with the paranormal. A parasocial relationship undoubtedly exists, even if one of the parties is purely fictional. It is a relationship that we have as well, dear readers. Because we are not friends or even close in any way. Thinking otherwise is a fallacy.

It is called "para-social" because it is not exactly based on real social interactions. Some of you read me, but that does not mean all of you have any real, mutually-recognized connection with me, correct? I communicate with some of you once in a while, however, but it is not in person; it is only virtual. Only in text, and if I made videos frequently, then in that form of media, too. Our connection is not that deep or sincere, even if feels it is. It is flat, even if not dishonest.

As such, much of this world, and much of our connections are in fact fake. And we only delude ourselves that they are not. There are ways to distinguish betwee friends, fans and followers.

"The parasocial fallacy" occurs when one mistakes a parasocial figure, such as a writer, a celebrity, or any other public figure, to be their real friend. It is merely a mistake in understanding; in identifying people, and in the estimation of their value in relation to yourself.

Navigating the Parasocial Maze in a Hyperconnected World

The rise of mass media and virtual accessibility has made the parasocial aspect of society bigger than ever. Today, creating connections with others no longer requires physical spaces like bars or coffee shops. All it takes is a virtual message, like an email or comment, to spark a potential parasocial relationship.

Even frequent media consumption of a specific figure can be an example of the parasocial, especially when you develop a sense of loyalty to them. This loyalty keeps you coming back for more of their content. It also extends to fictional characters, of course. Feeling a close connection to fictional characters is another example of the parasocial phenomenon.

However, this connection becomes problematic when we blur the lines between fiction and reality, believing that Superman can come and rescue us. Children may be particularly susceptible to this variant of the parasocial fallacy. Another notable figure who often "sinned" in it is Chris Chan, whose philosophy on the universe I've criticized before.

So, how can we overcome the parasocial fallacy? It all boils down to understanding that not everyone we admire is a friend. Just because you agree with a contemporary philosopher or find their content valuable doesn't mean they're your friend. Mistaking someone for a friend based solely on the value of their content is a classic example of the parasocial fallacy.

Remember, parasocial relationships can be enriching and enjoyable, but it's crucial to maintain a healthy, realistic perspective. Distinguish between admiration and friendship, and don't lose sight of the boundaries between fiction and reality.

Make no mistake, however. Feeling a close connection to someone who isn't a friend isn't necessarily a non-legitimate emotion. I don't even know if there are illegitimate emotions to begin with. I would argue that an illegitimate emotion might as well only be used as a logical fallacy.

The point is this: When that emotion of admiration or appreciation deludes us, that is when the parasocial fallacy can emerge. In thinking someone is more than he or she is. The use the term "friend" today because it can deceive us pretty quickly. Right?

If you want to be someone's friend, all you have to do is ask. Send them a request, not in a social media-type fashion. Make sure the other side sees you as a friend. Otherwise, what is the point in seeing a positive impression as fact?

It has nothing to do with narcissism. Boundaries may be important to anyone. Making sure you see eye-to-eye with another person when it comes to expectations, is imperative. Otherwise, logic dictates you'll become disappointed eventually.

Recognizing Allies, Avoiding Fallacies, and Embracing Growth

I use the term "friend" cautiously because not everyone we interact with falls neatly into that category. Allies, readers, social media followers – they're important connections, but they're not necessarily friends.

Friendship goes beyond a simple alliance. It requires trust, mutual connection, and a sense of recognition beyond just professional contexts. It's a two-way street, where both parties see and agree that the label of "friend" is applicable.

Can one person declare a friendship while the other remains unaware? This, I believe, is the heart of the parasocial fallacy in many modern interactions. We may form positive impressions and enjoy engaging with someone, but labeling them a friend without mutual understanding risks falling into this fallacy.

As someone with autism, I'm keenly aware that my neurodivergence can shape my social interactions. However, I refuse to let that become an obstacle to understanding reality. When opportunities for learning arise, I choose to embrace them, regardless of any perceived challenges. For I refuse to be weak, and I don't need your mercy.

Building Real Friendships

There's nothing childish about sending genuine friend requests to people, both online and offline. However, true friendship goes beyond simply clicking "accept" on Facebook. Building real connections requires effort and vulnerability. It involves speaking not just to someone's ears, but to their hearts.

Cultivating trust and developing a deeper understanding are essential ingredients. As you'll soon discover, forging genuine friendships is more complex than it might seem. But the good news is, it's a skill that can be learned and honed through practice and the preperation to suffer in the name of caring about someone on a deeper level. It is vital even outside of romantic love.

A "Facebook friend" is a mere acquaintance compared to a true friend. A true friend sees you, understands you, and shares your care and support. Remember, friendship is a two-way street. It thrives on mutual respect, shared experiences, and genuine connection that goes beyond the pretense of masking, required with many other people.

A true friend is a companion for life. A person who wants not only to have fun with you, but to share your sorrows.

Afterthought

Not all parasocial relationships have to be excluded to the digital realm, meaning they can be applicable to the physical world as well. You might think you know someone, like a fake guru who develops a fake relationship with you under the ulterior motive of getting more and more of your donations, thus living off your delusions.

When inside a physical cult, isolated from the external world, the digital layer is not necessary for the fake, "intimate" relationship between the leader and his community of followers.