Have you ever woken up one morning, hoping to have a good day, only to be confronted by forces beyond your control, who are allegedly eager to turn your smile upside down? Have you ever looked up the news of today, hoping to be notified of one or two positive, encouraging messages, only to be bombarded by a series of depressing, pessimistic news one after the other, with literally no hope of anything different the day after, and the day after?
I don't know how it is for others worldwide, but I can say that for me, this has been most of my life, perhaps as a result of my sensitivity and the grim reality of Israel, where anything rarely seems to work out, where there is always fault at least in one person or organization, and all you can do is either sit and suffer, or "think positively" in a world that is arguably far from positive, at least in the eyes of the sensitive person who was always told to either repress his mind or distract its concerns without really going deeply into the matter of things.
All of this can be described as the "Not-Okay Paradigm," AKA, the helpless belief that reality is by "definition" a pessimistic place of some sort—cold, alienating, repressing, faulty, and so forth, whereas positivity on the other hand is something that we ought to actively pursue; not something that already exists to the "naked" eye.
The reason I like to be alone so much and to write about it is because people don't seem to care about the personal aspect of a person; about their feelings, about their honest opinions. It is always about the whatever task at hand, while the person is merely a representative of something else, and not an entity of itself, by itself. The personal aspect at large seems either unwanted or even despised, which theoretically shows how unhuman our civilization has become -- we don't care about your feelings, about whether you're okay or not -- as long as you do what WE want in the way and form WE wish you to do, you will be either praised or left alone unbothered.
All of this brings me to the question I've been asking long in years -- why should one love or at least want to be in the External World, while it is so eager not only to tell them that it is not okay by inheritance, but also rarely if at all consider the fact that the interacting person is a human being with emotions, desires, a voice to be heard? For many, we are but units that are labelled under different categories, and almost nothing beyond that. The personal aspect is cringe; the distress, annoying; the emotionality, uncalled for, and the sensitivity, laughable.
Rare seem to be the people who look at the person as more than a unit of a certain functionality and a certain competence to fulfilling it; the people who are actually interested in the personal wellbeing of a person even if they are not their friends; the commenters who consider the possibility their comment can cause more harm than good, with the obvious potential to reduce it, and the list goes on. Contrary to popular belief, humanity does not appear to be an inherit trait within every person, even though its very name assumed it is.
I don't want to live in the paradigm that says that the world is by nature not okay. I want to live in an okay world, even if far from perfect, where I can feel serene if not happy; to live in a world of colour that has a sense of general positivity; a world where someone's suicide would actually matter and not be ignored as a common detail that regularly occurs like the weather. The world can be a happier place to live in, for most if not all of us but it is just we that make it feel less than colourful; less of what it could've become for those who are "too human" to remain in a state of submissive apathy. This desire isn't unrealistic. The alienation can be fought like it fights some of our mentality.
I don't know if this article will make a change, but until then, I prefer to partially abstain from this world, in hopes of a brighter life, and a brighter self. It seems that there has to always be an approved "way" to be, to exist, in order to get along with the world, even if the other "ways" deserve legitimacy too. My partial abstinence is one of those ways; a defying way -- one that defies the common belief that the world is, by definition, not okay.
