How I Lost Much of My Emotions
Updated: Apr 29
It seems I have lost many of my emotions by using logic, reason, and philosophy. Especially joy, but sadness too. I seem to have been unconsciously denying this fact. I have done things that used to make me feel joy, but they no longer do. I only do them now to simulate the experience of feeling joy.
In reality, beyond coffee, fatigue, and humor, I don't really feel anything. Maybe being tired, once in a few days, but nothing else.
Unconscious denial, according to a source listed below, is a defense mechanism. The purpose of it is to avoid reality. That's right, to avoid facing the facts. The truth. Therefore, those who seek the truth would avoid being philosophers, as the point of philosophy is to research the truth. Hence why, in Socrates' opinion, "an unexamined life is not worth living." Those who are not interested in reality as much will not bother to examine it. And the truth is, that I examine it every waking moment. Hence why I talk with strangers, who might hurt my feelings and cause me anxiety and so on.
When I realized that our emotions are often unnecessary, I lost some. Gradually. Sensitivity, fear, anxiety. I realized that many people are irrational specifically because of their emotions. And not only because they did not bother to study logic. I never claimed to have a perfect understanding of it, but the more I understand, the more distant I grow. Not physically, but from society. From other people. I am no longer a naive Tom. I am... Tomasio. More than a naive, stupid child. Better than one in many ways.
Likewise, nothing really excites me, other than coffee. Art, nature, affection (which I rarely receive). Nothing of those.
People may have a hard time with this condition. I do not. I find it relieving. When I was exposed to insults, lately, directed at me, I felt nothing. Nothing, instead of a panic attack, is always good, I think. And even at periods where I could've been offended, I wasn't. I wasn't, because many emotions are irrelevant to me, as a philosopher.
A good philosopher will not let their emotions be the judge of their thinking. They are the only judge of their own mind. Note that we have unconscious relationships with things, with emotions, with people, and so on.
Please note that when I express emotion when writing, I might not really feel it. I only do it rhetorically. I use emotion because it is easier for people to understand through the heart than through the brain. Some of them, at least. Some who did not bother learning logic. It might as well be impossible to be rational, even if you are a sane person. Even if you are not mentally ill. It does not matter, beyond stigma. Logic should be taught at school if we want people to think rationally.
People like to have fun in life. They like to travel the world, smell the flowers, enjoy good food. Enjoy friends. Enjoy intercourse. Not suffer.
And I just want to understand existence. Not only the good parts of it, but also the grim, the gloomy, the dark. The truth may hurt me. The truth may hurt you more than it does me.
I use humor to refresh my distant heart.
And that is why the philosopher might be more solitary than others, even if they are in company. They are solitary because their desire to understand is greater.
Emotions are great for communication. Hence why I am using them rhetorically. Without them, philosophy would be far more boring to you. I can tell from experience. It does not mean I have to feel them, however, for this function.
I am not writing to myself! I am using my experience as an example to my arguments. The point of this missive is this: Logic can make you distant from the heart. Logic can prepare you for a greater reality. Whether good or not, that is your decision to make. I have made mine. And I am "happy" with it. Not sarcastically. I am fine with it.
For I am not a Tom.
The promised source:
Ask me anything in the comments as long as you're respectful and polite. Thanks for reading.
Afterthought: these emotions might return. I am not a fortune teller. I don't want them to return. They're wasting my time and energy.