How To Detect and Handle Betrayals In Relationships -- By Mr. Mandoela Svartgold
Updated: Feb 9
(Disclaimer: The guest posts do not necessarily align with Philosocom's manager, Mr. Tomasio Rubinshtein's beliefs, thoughts, or feelings. The point of guest posts is to allow a wide range of narratives from a wide range of people. To apply for a guest post of your own, please send your request to mrtomasio@philosocom.com)
(Mr. Rubinshtein's Note: This article can be seen as an example that can be applied in philosophy as well. Should we be mindful of our surroundings, we will be able to understand reality better, and live less in denial about it, if at all. Even the smallest of details around us can be served as evidence to something bigger. And the more aware we are, the less surpised we get.
The less surprised we get, the more prepared we can be with reality and its potential outcomes. Mind your surroundings like a ninja does, and you will be able to navigate life better and with less naivety
Because remember that your current love interest might, one day, be your enemy. Even if by their own accord. And being able to be mindful enough can help you plan ahead better, like a mastermind would).
(Final note: I ordered this article by the request of an anonymous reader. Hopefully I helped them and gave them more hope to live and enjoy this world).
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Introduction
The attitude to betrayal differs from person to person. Some see it as something related only to relationships between a man and a woman. Some see it as something related to a betrayal of trust. With severe lies. Others between man and his friend. Some consider it a crime punishable by stoning. Some see it as a goal that's done when there's no other choice, or when that one of the parties is abusive.
Everyone sees cheating as something different. Some do not care at all, even, about whether or not they are betraying someone's trust in their loyalty, when there are other interests at play (like money)
But betrayal of trust is a big thing that leaves many doubts regarding others. Cheating when it is in a marital relationship such as marriage (but not exclusively) can cause the dissolution of the serious relationship. That is because propagation is sexual. And sexuality is also a collection of emotions. Of course, we are excluding asexual relationships, in this case. Even though asexuals can betray as well.
Especially since this brings pleasure. Being pregnant is unwanted. And beyond that... that partner will say to himself: "What do I lack that makes them likely to be disloyal to me?" Especially if the partners are active, they can grow suspicious with each other, and begin to grow distant.
How to Detect Betrayals
When a man or woman cheats, they are hiding a secret. They may behave differently as well. Generally, if they have been married are in the serious relationship for years, they may invest less in physical appearance.
So in this case when they have a partner (even a lover is a partner), and on the way they will put perfume, to try to have a more attractive scent, and begin pampering themselves more. They will suddenly act with extreme joy or suspicion. Or will there also be outbursts in which they will blurt out and ask "Why do you think I cheated on you?"
"You think I went with ... your friend...?" For example. Usually, a man who is having an affair will also hide the fact that he cheated by changing his underwear before he gets home. He will fix his hair. He will apply gel. He will dress in different clothes, in order to lower the suspicion of his partner.
He will even speak in a different tone. Go to a beautician. When there is a lover, usually the one who cheated will take the phone and put on secret code. So that his wife does not breach and find data that will incriminate him. (Note: Everything I wrote and write here applies to the opposite gender as well).
The need for sexual relations within the family will decrease. And if, for example, the woman
was used to be with her husband once a week, when she has a lover she will reject her husband with the excuse of headaches. A lot of work problems and problems with their children will occur (if they have children). Problems with her parents. And maybe they will only spend time intimately once a month.
Also, this connection is confidential. When cheating, the need to be seen on the street hugging is impossible when the chance of running into the husband or wife is high. Usually they will prefer trips abroad. Or a house or a hotel. Or a place far from their home. So as not to jeopardize their marriage.
When it comes to the institution of marriage, it is a religiously sacred institution and a married couple sanctifies themselves in the married status and God or Allah or Jesus or whatever it is for their religion sees the couple and passes energetic cables between them and connects them (according to spiritual doctrines, at least). So that their soul will be connected. There are those who claim that when a woman marries she is sanctified and becomes more holy.
There are also those who are in favor of open relationships. They see relations as something emotional and not that important. And even next to their children they date others with permission. I myself do not believe in such a relationship because I do think that relations iare a non-verbal communication that strongly connects a couple as distinctive beings, but I digress.
It allows me to be who I am. It causes the connection of my soul to be aligned with its purpose, by conveying feelings of pleasure, joy, pleasure, passion, the possibility of being without clothes and masks. but I digress.
In my opinion, yes, it is a very bonding thing that is better to do when you really love each other. True love. And there is a real match. Also, there are cases when a man or a woman cannot marry for reasons such as: the family is one or both of them are from a crime family. In some cases these reasons apply to starting a serious relationship, as well.
And the parents don't get along. Or they are members of different religions. And in such cases there is a possibility in these situations to either break up or live together. No wedding and I don't think it's bad. I think being known as a couple is also something singificant that could be seen as a threat to others.
But some will say that having a child out of wedlock is a sin to an unloving God. I say in these situations a child is a gift. In my opinion, having a child is not accidental. And it's just something their parents and/or family have decided. And when a couple has a biological state between them where they are at the peak of fertility, they are attracted to people of the opposite sex by something in their unconscious that makes them want to be with that person.
A child can be created from sexual relations even with contraceptives. And outside of marriage, too. In any case, does such a child deserve to suffer that one of the parties abandons him? Anyone to do what they want. But I dare to speak my mind: A child is usually the fruit of love. (Here I'm talking about love... marriage... partnership even without marriage).
Not every couple has children even if they marry at a young age and why? Because from an
evolutionary point of view they are not suitable together for having a child and there is something blocking them. They should pay attention. Especially if they are young and old enough to have children. A couple who wants to have children but fails at it, could also lead to betrayal/cheating. Theoratically, that is the reason of Silent Hill 2's entire plot.
Families and society cause more difficulties to break up the relationship. Another dimension is the economic aspect. When there is a divorce, one of the parties usually loses financially. One of the parties will have to pay for the child until the age of 18. This burden exists when there is a marriage. And in a marriage agreement, money must also be given to the children. When one of the parties cheats he may find himself impoverished on the street. Whether it is the man or the woman. Especially if you are getting divorced.
In addition, it sometimes causes anger on the part of the parties towards the child. Especially if you don't get a divorce when a neighbor has to get a divorce and therefore the child may feel guilty.
How to Remedy Betrayals As the Betrayed
But sometimes there is no escaping it. And this is an important step. In order to return a cheating spouse, it is necessary to understand the consequences of his actions. In addition, he must apologize and change his behavior. For that, you need to convince him to do just that: To apologize for the great grief he caused you, and hopefully make the promise to you, that he will be loyal once more, and never betray you as long as you are together in a serious relationshp. Study rhetoric, which is the art of persuasion, and you can increase your chances of making him or her return.
When there is no agreement that it is something that hurt the other party, the relationship cannot be revived. If the partner is in love with the mistress, he must take responsibility and understand that love is no small thing. And feelings are an important thing. And that the hearts of others are not toys to be played with. Both to understand the reality and to take responsibility if it is discovered. To admit fault is part of growing up and acting emotionally mature.
Of course, if the cheater/traitor made children outside of the relationship, they are to be considered as well, when attempting to convince him or her to return. You must be logical and stay vigilant. And think of a plan that will recognize the faults of others, and the products of their actions.
Because in the case of children, at least, even if they are not yours, they are not going to get away, and none of us exist in a vaccuum. And in such cases, you need to remember that your shots are limited, if not only one. Blow this up by being too biased to yourself, and lack the necessary empathy to understand your cheater's situation, and they might never return to you. Even immoral actions, after all, give birth to new, moral responsibilities that may be beyond your control.
Consider such cases as negotiations. And in negotiations you need to keep your head cool, as to not keep away the very one you love. Be delicate and be considering, or the cheater might deem you too hostile to return to. It isn't easy to return a partner, but by being rational, stoic and empathetic, you can at least ease the difficulty of your attempt/s.
Forgive them for what they've done. Make them know that they have a place to return to, with love, care and compassion.
