How to Endure Skin Deprivation Using Purpose
Updated: Feb 10
(September 2023 note: I am no longer handicapped. I explained why in this article).
Have you craved physical contact from other human beings? I'm not talking about anything romantic necessarily. I'm speaking about the hug of a friend, for instance. I'm talking of... umm.. Well, as someone who has been living much of his lifespan as a monk, I don't really have any other examples... Merely because I lack experience of touch.
Skin Deprivation, also known as touch starvation, is a condition where you crave for physical touch from another being. Those who claim that loneliness is a state of mind (something I used to believe too) is not entirely true, when we are prone to skin deprivation. As of writing this article I am unaware if it's possible to rid oneself of this bothersome feeling. I can only tell you that I tried it myself, as part of my initial philosophy as a self-imposed monk, around a decade ago.
Surpsingly, there are quite significant benefits to human touch, and as a more seasoned philosopher I had enough with arguing with the truth. And I can tell you that, in the rare times I was hugged as an adult, that it does feel refreshing... especially when you live in forced seclusion due to a respiratory disability...
In terms of functionality, touch is several things. It is:
A need. I am unaware of a human being who never needed it.
A limited resource. You are dependant on someone else to touch you, and that's their prerogative.
A mental right. By "mental right" I refer to your wellbeing. That you may deserve to be in good wellbeing, psychologically, simply because you haven't done anything horrid that justifies otherwise.
A privilage. Only those who secure other people to provide point 2, will get it.
The field of romance can surely be ruthless and unforgiving, when you realize that your need is not something you deserve to be handed to you. It is something you deserve to at least try and get from those who don't owe anything to you.
...It's why other people's presence is a privilage. Never forget that. They can always leave. And in some cases, you may need them more than they need you. Compare it to a worker and an employer -- you may need the money more than he/she needs you. I'm sorry, but that's perhaps why we will never have pure equality. It's because the relations between supply and demand are rarely even, if at all. It would only make sense that we will compete, then, because then we have the choice between suppliers.
And in "suppliers" I refer to other human beings, and the demands they can give us. If you, yourself, fail to compete against other suppliers, you may be left alone, even as a supplier, and then might become more of a demander than a supplier.
Loyalty in any human connection is also one where there is this sufficent transactions between supply and demand. Of at least two sides, of course. Be a poor supplier to the other person and they will either be disloyal or straight out abandon you; Be an excessive demander, and you will overwhelm your "supplier", to the point that they will leave you.
However, a supplier is not always around or even available to be made a connection with. If there were always people who could hug you, people won't be suffering from skin deprivation, correct? Other people's physical company is a privilage, far more than their virtual one. Thus, in the absence of a supplier of physical contact, we must still endure life in the name of survival... And in the name of purpose.
A purpose helps me a lot to endure this hellish reality called my life. For those new to the site, feel free to read more in your free time using the search bar. Anyways, I believe it was Nietzche who said that “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
And understand, I have a hidden reason, a hidden "why" for this site that I have yet to reveal to any of you. In order to ensure that "why", I will resume concealing this greatest "why", which still makes me endure this painful reality.
Why? Because when you hold a purpose in such high regard like I do, nothing... nothing, is good enough of an excuse to stand in your way. That includes skin deprivation, and the fact that I turned an handicap due to my medical disability.
Don't expect it to be easy to have friends in this world, let alone partners. According to this article, single men get lonelier than women, because women are socialized to build friendships, and thus, they are likelier to have more dense social networks than their counterparts, and foster greater intimacy with their close friends. Men, on the other hand, may be less willing to expose their vulnerabilities and distress, due to socialization. For they are expected to "suck it up" and keep things to themselves...
...Just as I was constantly told by a female teacher. She didn't really recognized my agony. She just thought I chose to look at things very grimly. No. I was simply rewarded for being stoic and obidient. And when I told another class I just learned to live with all the noise (despite suffering from misophonia), the whole classroom just laughed at me, thinking I was joking, for some dumb reason!
Many people are, in a way, imbeciles, for choosing to laugh and mock before understanding one's distress. A distress which can be far greater than their minds may even bother to consider. The unwillingness to consider the possibilities, and be vulnerable to be proven wrong, SO EASILY, is humiliating.
However, neither them, my medical condition, or my intense skin hunger, which can bother me greatly, will stand in my way. Disrespect me, and you will become part of the problem. I am not writing just for myself, you know. I'm not self-centered.
And I have no use for your humiliating pity. Understand -- I just need you to not position yourself as an obstacle in my way for my hidden purpose. Because those who do, for whatever dumb reason, intentionally or not, are my enemies. Be a good person and just let me live in peace. I had quite enough with meaningless conflicts, online and offline.
I am the one who chooses to still live. Keep it in mind.