Confessions of a Lonely Man, Part 3: Instability and Final Decision

(Confessions of a Lonely Man Part 1)

Confessions of a Lonely Man Part 2)

(Background music)

For much of my life, I was unstable. I had an underlying mental condition that was only diagnosed in 2025. Had I been diagnosed with it earlier on, I would've been able to get the necessary treatment for it to function in society.

A year after the diagnosis has been made, I've been living my happiest times of my life. At this point I can return to society if I want to. I can try academic studies once more and see if I can succeed this time without losing functionality.

However, I don't want to. Being unstable has given me so much, and taught me a lot about the wickedness and cruelty of this world. I feel utterly disgusted by this world, that beyond my writings I want nothing to do with it. I've made up my mind.

The long periods of instability were followed by depression, by a desire to take my own life, and by panic attacks. Even the littlest of remarks could've swayed me away.

I sought peace. I fought many years to get where I am now, living a life of blissful solitude. Now nothing stands in my way of peace.

After surviving wars, both internal and external, I got everything that I need and ever wanted. I had an unusual life, dropping off university and office work almost at the same years. That was before the pandemic of 2020. The pandemic didn't affect me in the slightest. I was building my own Q-continuum and seeking stability. However, that stability took many years to attain.

Now that the stability has finally settled, I don't see a need to write maniacally anymore as I did following the many years Philosocom has been online. I am the closest I have ever been to living a normal life, minus the need to work; minus the human company the average person has.

Witnessing the self-harmful tendencies of those I saved, I realized that ultimately, my instability has saved me from a world that is getting more and more dystopian. Had I been stable back then, before the pandemic, I would by now be dependent upon a sick society that doesn't reward individuality, compels you to mask your true self, and that is harsh to get by in for many.

As hard as my dark past was, I am grateful for it. It has blessed me with the ability to endure long periods of isolation with ease. And if I picked the conventional path of academics and work, I wouldn't be able to meet my beloved, because in that parallel timeline, Philosocom wouldn't have been built. And, I wouldn't have been able to help all these people that I used to lead and now lead today too.

My unstable times allowed me to build a tremendous website, full of many articles for the world to enjoy. As depressed and as maniacal as I was, it gave me absolute creativity, and allowed me near-absolute freedom from society.

I am a glitch in the matrix. I am not supposed to exist. Unstable people don't get to survive in this harsh, twisted world.

I have made up my mind. I have no intention of getting back to society even though I can. I will instead dedicate my life to the two worlds in my existence: The world of Love and maintaining this site.

My instability saved me from a life of compliance to the matrix. Now, it is no longer necessary. It has outstayed its welcome, as well as the people that fueled my instability.

My road to paradise awaits me, as I, await it. I will wait for it for years to come, for I have the patience of a monk. And as solitary as my life is, waiting for my beloved should be an achievable challenge.