Choosing a Path of Humility

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Over the years, I had grand ambitions with this site; from being a "great father" of philosophy, to proving my relevance to the world, to rectifying the world. However, life has taught me, surprisingly, to be humble at this point. I don't seek greatness anymore, nor I seek to be a saviour.

All I want from this site at this point is a place to write my thoughts into and then be left alone. I do work, as I've been trying for many years, to make this site profitable, but that is only so my legacy won't be deleted after my death. I don't care about profitability; I care about longevity. The moment I know my site will be preserved after my death, I shall give up on trying to make it profitable for my successors. I don't need the money. I have just enough to survive.

I am choosing a path of humility at this point. I just want to be a writer and philosopher who writes his thoughts and insights into this world and then is left alone. I am not interested in interviews, nor am I interested in becoming famous. I get my kicks from helping people and making this cursed world a better place through my talent of writing.

The man who wanted to be a "great father" is dead at this point. By this time, I seek to escape from any perceived grandiosity, and live life peacefully and away from society.

For years, I was consumed by a deep sense of emptiness, which I described as a "hole". This "hole" caused me to do many great things, from saving others to leading divisions of people and writing many articles. This emptiness is now gone, and many of the things I wrote about myself in the distant past are no longer relevant to these days. I no longer seek relevance, nor I seek to be "great" in any way. What I am consumed by, is disgust towards this world, which makes people want to die, and this disgust is the main force that drives me to philosophize, in hopes of, through my words, reduce the awfulness and severity that this world has come to.

I can't save everyone, nor I wish to save any more people than the seven people I did (the seventh one being my very own mother, who fell during a walk and got injured). The idea of being a great saviour at this point disgusts me, and I believe to have conquered my own hubris.

I also sought to leave an impact on this world through my writings, something which is being dwindled in importance as well. What was very strong was my need to contribute to this world through relentless altruism, but now that is at question, too, after learning about the ungrateful egotism many people have.

Philosocom, for me, and at the bare minimum of all my former grand ambitions, is a place for me (and others) to write philosophy, for the need to write still exists, and that's about it. It is an "empire" of philosophy, an "empire" of thought, driven by what used to be a bigger-than average ego, but that was long ago, too.

I really helped a lot of people through this site, and helping people has slowly but surely taught me to be humble. Also, living in a war torn region has contributed to me being humble as well. Trying to sleep while knowing rockets could destroy me at any point, has taught me about the impermanence of life, and how it can all be taken away in an instant.

I'm done being seen as a narcissist for wanting to contribute and help the ungrateful and the blinder-wearing. At this point I need to care for my own survival, and surviving on my own has taught me about the futility of contributing to an unjust world that might as well punish you for doing good deeds, for "no good deeds go unpunished", as the quote goes.

Surviving on my own terms, enjoying the fruits of love and writing is enough for me at this point.

Leave me alone.