The Ultimate Task: To Die

(Background music)

Originally, I came where I am in life to die. Years ago, I was in deep despair and secured a secluded hermitage in order to stay there until I am dead. However, many things came in my way, such as the desire for revenge, the desire for power, the desire for love and the ultimate thing that prevents me from terminating myself, which is the futile goal of world rectification.

I got most of what I wanted, ultimately. I proved my relevance by saving people, I got power over a powerbase that maintains this site, I got engaged to a beautiful woman and I got a massive legacy whose purpose is to rectify the world.

Now what remains is the desire to die. Not by self-termination, no, but by simply doing time locked in my hermitage until I am dead.

Many other things stood in my way, like people who got overly curious and wanted to know me, which I ruthlessly put aside; like people that got attached to me, which I ultimately abandoned so I would focus on creating this website for you; like estranged family members that I failed getting along with, so I swept them away with vengeance. I am not a social person. I don't want many people in my life.

Not many people understand my desire to die because, I don't show any suicidal ideation, and because I actively prevent myself from taking my own life by pointlessly trying to rectify this cursed world. So, they go interacting with me as if I don't desire to die at all.

The desire to rectify this world is a paradox; it is futile, but it is not futile because it prevents me from taking my own life. Doing a lot of good in this world is how I cope with the fact that humanity has doomed itself and that this world is beyond repair; no amount of good will rectify the world, and there will always be something to rectify, even after a monumental amount of good being done. Humanity's trajectory has doomed itself and is overall beyond saving.

Yet doing good in the world is what keeps me going. To do good, but also to be left alone. If I'm not left alone after doing something good, or if doing a good thing will not make me return to isolation, I simply see no reason to do it. Those are my ethics.

Frankly I do not have the courage to die by my own hands; the goal is simply until old age takes me. And I cannot let myself get too attached with most people, for that has the risk to prevent the ultimate task, which is to die. I don't want to see the point in this world, which has forsaken my late grandmother, and led her to try to die, only to prevent doing so for I was there for her.

I will keep the Sisyphean task of rectifying this cursed world by doing good in it through site operations. But beyond that, I want nothing to do with this disgusting world, which made the people I saved, and many other people, want to die, just like me.

Life works in mysterious ways. Who knew I, of all people, will get love, will get to save people from despair, and to discover that the thing that make him want to live is world rectification. As a hermit waiting to die, I didn't expect life to be so fortunate to me. But it did, and it makes me insist even further to die in old age instead of taking my own life. The futility of world rectification means there's always something to live for; the successful revenge means my relevancy has been set in stone, and the desire for power means I have responsibility to show up for every few days.

Death can wait. Although it is my ultimate task, I have things and beings to live for. Yet, I am always prepared to face my fate.