On My Journey to the United Kingdom In 2010

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In 2010, I ventured out with my father to the United Kingdom, specifically, London. For him, it was a vacation. For me, it was an attempt to prove my thought experiment abroad.

In 2008 I fell into depression as I realized that much of this world is an illusion we make out of it. I got to experience the world beyond the mind when I played a certain video game, and a certain level of it, and realized that what I am enjoying is not the video game but my experiences of it.

Most people can't disassociate between their experiences and between the world beyond them. Ever since 2008, I've felt deep loneliness, and the Japanese emotion known as Setsunai, when I realized that my own thought experiment was right.

I remember being atop of the London Eye with my father, and I saw the bigger city. It did not resonate with me, however, because I knew my experiences are separate from the world. They're not part of it.

And so, I lived much of my life under isolation as a result of the thought experiment its empiric testing in London. I've been there for 3 days. These 3 days were enough to prove to me that what I am supposed to enjoy is not the world beyond the mind, but my experiences of it; But the meanings I make out of the world beyond my mental lenses.

I went to London in 2010 and it was the first time I ventured out of my country of origin. As of 2025, it was the only time I traveled abroad.

I always felt horribly misunderstood by most of this world. The feelings of loneliness were immense back then, before I knew the nectar of love.

I visited many places in London along with my father. Buckingham Palace, the Underground Subway, Hyde Park and the bunker Churchill was in during WW2.

The more I visited, the more I realized how true my thought experiment, in that video game I played. I am not supposed to enjoy the Palace; I am supposed to enjoy the meaning I make out of being there. The same with all the other places.

And the London Eye was enough for me to finally understand the futility of it all. I watched the vast city and felt deep existential dread.

Depression and the desire to end my own life came in 2011, where I was hospitalized and diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.

To this very day I understand it is my responsibility to carve meaning into an objectively meaningless world, every single day.

And it feels like a burden on me.

This is the second time I have forsaken humanity because the vast majority of humanity just doesn't understand. They experience the world as if they experience something objective. No. Nothing is objective within the lens of our subjective experiences. Nothing.

The world beyond the mind is a vastly empty one. It's only our meaning that we make that matter.

Genius is a burden. Genius is a curse. The more I am aware, the sadder I get. As a result, I suffered much in this life.

I seek to rectify this world because that's how I remain sane and stable. I can't work because I am a mental survivor of much existential dread that occurred ever since 2008, and been reinforced, in 2010.

Being a genius is hard. Being me is hard. I just want to be a good person and help repair this world.

Companionship and Philosocom are the only two things that shall ever gratify me.