Letter to a Shadow Woman, I Never Became (By Alex Mos)

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A journey of self-discovery and embracing unconventional choices. 

She appeared in my dream for the last time: the Shadow Woman, my Jungian invisible twin. I handed her my letter, and she opened it slowly and started to read:

"You were always there, following me like a shadow. Your whispers tempted me, offering comfort wrapped in societal order. I had the intelligence, the looks, and the adaptability to live your life, but something deep in me said no. You could have been me, and I could have become your haunting Shadow, full of regrets for not taking control of my life. 

If I were you, I would be a stylish, conservative wife and mother. I might have a part-time job to keep me occupied and create an illusion of financial and mental independence. Smiling, I would attend parties with my successful partner, but within, I would feel dread, submission, and throbbing fakeness. Motherhood might become my life purpose, and I would sacrifice myself, pouring the essence of my existence into my children's wellness. 

Instead, I repressed you repeatedly because such a life would not make me whole or satisfy my existential curiosity. 

I would yearn for independence and inspiration, but I wouldn't have the courage to venture into myself and sculpt a new, reborn me as I do now. I would not have the strength to divorce my powerful partner because it would be societal and financially suicidal, unfitting of my status.

In time, I would quietly fade away, unseen for my uniqueness, hiding behind the facade of a generic smile. Fleeting hedonistic pleasures would become a compensation for losing my raw authenticity and repressed identity.

Yes, if I were you, my life would be easier, sheltered, and more comfortable. But that doesn't mean it would have spared me the existential misery of being trapped in the golden cage.

I'm thankful you are not me. I'm a woman who knows the hardships of life, who has fallen and stood up in pursuit of happiness. For truth, I dare resist society's pull, go the other way, and draft a bold plan to actualize myself. You, the conforming, submissive Shadow, could never do it. 

Goodbye, the Shadow Woman I never became. You don't get to haunt me anymore, poisoning my mind with sadness and self-doubt. I know who I am now, shaped by life and led by my unconventional mind. My life mission is to go forward and explore, write, and create. I live for love, passion, and truth—on my terms."

The alarm sounded, and I woke up cheerful and energized. My shadowy twin was gone, and so was depression.