The Rise and Fall of My Education; Why It Matters to You
Updated: Oct 25, 2023
I consider myself an educated person, but I do not consider myself an academic, even though I have some academic background. This is for two reasons: first, I find the drawbacks of the academia too severe, and second, most of my education has come in unconventional ways, mostly through by being an auto-didact. I am happy to share the history of my education with you, and explain why it is relevant to my philosophy empire.
I have 13 years of public education, although the minimum requirement for a graduation diploma in Israel is 12 years. I was delayed by one year because the school I was transferred to only had one classroom for autistic students, and it was the only option if I wanted to be in a class that would better teach me interpersonal skills.
Thus, I changed being in an average classroom in favor of special education, at the cost of studying in the same grade twice. In that middle school, which later became both middle and high school, I received special education that, as the years went by, became more and more unique to me.
In the first year, I needed to learn history once more, for a reason I don't remember, so I taught myself through the autodidactic path. That was the first time in my life as a student where I was required to learn things on my own within the framework of public education. No teacher, no class. Just me alone and a book as my only mentor.
In my final year of school, the 13th, I was taken under the wing of a teacher who saw something special in me and prepared me for a nationwide competition that involved giving your own speeches in English. It was divided into a first round, a semi-final, and a final. I have it recorded and uploaded on my Youtube channel.
I reached the finals in the capital of my country, even though I did not score a place. It is thanks to her (the teacher) that I am now able to carry out my own speeches, as some of you have witnessed yourselves.
It was also during that year that I was accepted to my country's Open University, while still in high school. Back then, only two people in the institution were academic students, including myself. Obviously, I chose philosophy as my major, and it was there that I studied 6 courses and completed 4. I eventually stopped my studies because I was very stressed, even though I was successful in them.
These courses were: The Philosophy of Morality; The Philosophy of the Mind; Anthropology; The History of the Chinese Empire (Pre-Communist); Greek Philosophy; and Anti-Heroic Literature -- in that order. The last two were abandoned when I decided to drop out.
Why have I decided to drop out? It was because of the stress I was under. I believe that, regardless of my education being beneficial, it also damaged my mental health, slowly but gradually.
I recall the version of myself I was in kindergarten, being all jolly and lacking any seriousness, but as time marched on, I became more and more gloomy and even nihilistic.
It was when I was transferred to a regular school, instead of being in special education during elementary, it was school that I experienced my first depression, and was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a name that is technically irrelevant but is now (informally) called "High-Functioning Autism".
In order to better cope with the disorder, my parents and I decided to return once more to special education, in the hope that I would be able to better understand the world from a social standpoint. However, regardless of the years I spent in what was called a "communication class,", it seems that I failed to realize the world from a social standpoint. To this day I still fail to understand completely why people socialize, and more specifically, why would they socialize with me.
It was in high school when I developed a special philosophy called "Solitary Individualism", but because I wrote four full books of it in Hebrew, you can't read them unless you know how to read Hebrew. I have translated some of the articles, however, like one about something I call a "self-professorship"
As you can see, my education could be regarded as what we call in Hebrew an "Odd-bird". A mixture of autodidactic learning, private lessons, extended public education, and some academic education. My knowledge of the english language was largely my own, too. I had my reasoning.
Because of said mixture, I kind of "fell between the chairs," not being able to pick certain jobs because they required a degree, despite being educated even without it.
If I were a character in a fighting video game, I would probably be picked out the least because it would be difficult to define my abilities as those of a "fighter."
Let it be known, that despite my education and the many books I read, I can no longer read most elaborate documents because I've suffered from fatigue after I dropped out of university and after I dropped out of National Service. By revamping my articles and researching their content, I practice my reading skills in hope that they will be restored.
This symptom of fatigue is not very well known by the professional community, at least in Israel, and likewise, there were no known ways to treat it. After understanding it was a post-trauma symptom, I am slowly rehabilitating myself on my own.
This philosophy blog is my "Last Resort". As the years went by, I slowly realized that I have nothing to live for, but philosophizing. Some of you may deem philosophy unnecessary. I philosophize to stay sane.
This is why it matters to you, the reader, or at least why it should matter. It's because I'm trying my best to stay sane after I realized the root of my former fatigue. I'm a broken man, living to work, for work liberates me from the insanity within.
You might clearly see that I am educated and even intelligent, but there are things that I just can't do, even though it's not obvious at all. I am not a social person. I'm too traumatized to desire being one. I will not step outside of my residence without a good-enough reason. I just want to live the rest of my days in peace, while contributing to all my readers.
People mocked me for my strange way of communicating, people mocked me for being arrogant despite acting naturally and without intention. This is why you should understand that my words should be taken as that is more innocent than you might think, and not give in so easily to your platonic impressions.
In the end, I want myself to inspire you as much as my education has inspired me. Call it "deep thinking", call it "wondering,", call it "contemplating". I am confident that you have the idea already. Philosophy should be written not only to be served as fact but also to inspire one to think about existence. This is why contemplation is, in a way, underrated. It's underrated because we may be quick to dismiss content and people with little-to-no thought. We may fail doubting ourselves and as a result we may be deluding ourselves by underestimating or overestimating the world externally of us.
Please understand that I am doing my best, despite my shortcomings, to give you a high-quality philosophy blog, that is mostly free of charge.
Even during my Reaping Fatigue Era, writing was an exception to my other compromised activities, and I have no idea why. As long as I am capable of writing, I will keep doing my best. The other option is giving in.
All I want, ultimately, is to give my fair share to the world. I don't pretend to be right in every article I write, but I can always theorize that I could be in terms of possibility.
That is, in the end, the ambition of every honest philosopher.
