My personality appears to be very dichotomic. On the one hand, I am very sensitive, to the point that I feel a need to partially isolate myself from the world; on the other hand, I am close to immune to explicit subjects such as suicide, gore, and other mature themes.
I fail to understand how these two things correlate, and to be frank, it is quite frustrating since I lack the answers. It's strange that, while I am extremely sensitive to insults, things that bother others do not bother me at all.
I mentioned a long time ago that I learned English through video games, but I also learned through music, primarily through a rapper named Eminem, who was known at the time for causing major societal disruptions and controversies. Looking back at the songs I listened to a long time ago, I'm surprised that I wasn't repulsed by the content he provided in his songs.
Since such content is very inappropriate, I'll try to avoid talking about it in detail. In short, these songs were horrible in terms of lyrics, and I'm surprised no one stopped me from listening, and yes, I largely understood the words; I translated many through a certain website.
Take my example. I am through with being disrespected and condescended upon just because I have Asperger's because I am an outcast of society by default. Letting go is often a sign of weakness, of giving up. I did so many times in my life, even when I was tricked, bullied and even abused, and didn't know what to do.
Socialization taught me to give up without even trying. By escaping, by blocking, by "telling the teachers". I wish at to at least taste the satisfaction of a well-served, well said revenge.
Just... just let me have something that I will be able to truly conclude and not run away from to distractions, to the ears of a psychologist, to the failing attempts at forgetting that only delay the inevitable. What do I get by not becoming victorious?
More hours with professionals? More money spent on extra pills? More video games to distract myself from my problems in life? They all deny the fact, that there's a problem, and the problem is the possibility that my life isn't worth anything; that my life is too... irrelevant, to be appreciated.
Revenge is a dish best served with recognition of fault. Even if she herself will never get the message, she brought me a new vision to life -- to prove that my life's position is vacant; the very same thing I was called after, by those who named me. One woman deluded me that that place is inherit; the other shown me the Truth -- that it is to be earned with sweat, blood and asceticism; to be proved; to be shown.
Anyways, I am quite thankful for being exposed to the darker sides of this world back then, at my most sensitive level of development in life. It transformed me into a tougher, more stoic person than before. The most important thing that I learned from that period in my life was the fact that I shouldn't shelter myself from the regular horrors that happen in this world. If you do, you will only become weaker.
Even with the existence of what is called "politically correct culture,". "Politically-Correct Culture" is too inadequate a method to make this world more harmonious. Why? Because it does not stop toxicity, it only tries to create a regime of words we should use and not use, even if these words do not matter in the grand scheme of things.
It is a "regime" that goes against one's expression of speech, even when it is in regard to subjects that are, by their existence, inoffensive to anyone. What is more offensive: the Jewish Holocaust or one's personal tendencies? If someone is gay, why should that trigger the religious, even if being gay is seen as a sin by many?
If you don't like someone, either ignore him or block him. What is actually the point in telling him what to say and what not to say, just because your thoughts do not correlate with theirs? Difference between people is inevitable; this thought brings peace to at least me.
I don't pretend to tell people what to think; rather, I wish for them to think for themselves. Perhaps that is the ultimate goal of philosophizing publicly: to lead to "inner sparks" in people, for good or for bad. Some might call it good writing.
In regard to sensitivity, I have long abandoned the belief that it is something important to have, when it can easily kick you in the guts. Perhaps my Asperger's speaks here, but I don't see a reason to be sensitive when sensitivity goes against your best interests.
To be sensitive, after all, is to be vulnerable, to have one or more additional weak spots. What's the point, therefore, when you can try to become less sensitive, and thus, suffer less unnecessarily?
"Now, this looks like a job for me, so everybody, just follow me, because we need a little, controversy, because it feels so empty without me." --Eminem