Other People

One's experiences with other people shape their outlook on humanity. These experiences are not entirely active or mutual, but can also be a result of passive things that exist within you or that are a part of you, that will make you see people differently than others. For example, if you are born extremely ugly, you might feel inferior to other people because of how they have treated you over the years, as a result of your undesired appearance.

I myself do not like other people whom I do not know deeply enough, because this world is not a sensitive place, and I am sensitive. Sensitivity is an undesired and largely ignored trait by many people in this world, so it would only be natural for people like myself to see the world at large not as a good place, but as a threatening place to be in. Therefore, solitude is a suitable solution for people like myself, as the world does not take kindly to the sensitive.

Should they find something within you or something you did that they dislike, they will not care for your sensitivity, anxiety, and your high tendency to cry. They will mark it and try as much as possible to make you feel bad about it, all because you did something they disapprove of, even if that something is yourself. It is very hard, therefore, to see this world as a welcoming place, with so many people not caring for your inherent fragility.

It is only natural to not like, thus, the majority of the world, when said world will not hesitate to traumatize you, just as it is the same to dislike the rich while one is too poor, or the significantly popular, while being an involuntary outcast. It is therefore hard to say something about other people without being subjective and biased by your experiences with them; experiences that may vary, all depending on who you are and what you have (or don't have).

And the other people who traumatize you, they will roam freely, because there is no law that protects you from them, no law that punishes them, unless it is either physical or sexual abuse. Their words will remain cracking your skull and into your brain, accompanying you unwillingly for years to come. And all because you did not fulfill their desires, as if it is your job to do so, to please them, to be a "prostitute" of some sort. Truly disgusting, but those who are not sensitive will not care and will move on as if nothing happened.

There are exceptions to the rule, of course; people who care, people who are there for you and are willing to listen to you. However, they cannot cure the mental trauma caused by others, no matter how hard they try to be nice and lovely. So why desire the world, when it is a deadly storm of trauma to the sensitive, to those called in a condescending way, "snowflakes"?

The same logic applies to sensitivity. Some may see it as some kind of a "special" and "gifted" trait, to actually feel something intensively. But that is a positively biased perspective, as it ignores the fact that this trait can traumatize the individual over the years, because of how easily reactive it can make him or her. It lacks the resilience to combat the sensory impact that would otherwise not be considered trauma, but something out of the ordinary.

Other people will always find a way to condemn you or at least find a way to hurt you. I'm afraid I'm too naive to explain why; why it is acceptable to "eat people alive" as one once put it to me; why is it okay to make me cry several times over the course of a few years; to make it difficult for me at times to sleep at nights.

And on the other hand, I watch other people in the world having fun, having lovely moments; moments which, it seems, I am "forbidden" to have due to my disabilities. I watch videos where the commenters are excited about things several times, and I just can't feel anything at all. Sensitivity, therefore, is not just emotional reactiveness, but mainly a vulnerability that doesn't have to be mutually exclusive to the former. Not everyone that is sensitive will always have the emotional capacity to react to just about anything, it doesn't work that way all the time.

If there's something I regret over the course of my life, it is to have allowed commenting on my content at Quora. What was once a safe forum, for me at least, became a threatening medium of which people will try and make me feel bad for myself, either for not understanding me, or for me doing something that they were unhappy with (or both). I regret not turning the "off" option far before, because then I might have become less traumatized by people who are just as normal as you and me.

We tend to think of internet trolls as some kind of nerds or bullies who are too antisocial or even jealous to be nice. But in reality, as long as the "public domain" title is present, anyone is allowed to be a d*ck, including the most normal people you could possibly know. That's why "Public domain" allows traumatizing the sensitive, because no law is against this form of expression.

Much of our outlook on the world depends on our subjective experiences with it; experiences which we may see as objective due to us witnessing it. However, different people will be treated differently by different people, which would entail that each man or woman will see the world differently as well, without necessarily having a grand "objective" outlook on the world. The irony about all of this is, that each subjective experience could be just as true as the other.

I've been harassed, bullied, rejected, and physically hurt by people over the course of my relatively-short life. Based on my experiences with the world, I see no reason to see people -- in general -- as likeable, for anyone can hurt me as long as they will not know or care for my sensitivity. Other people may also be as sensitive as me, so do not expect to see someone else's mental state getting worse than my own.

I guess that, it's "okay" to make people kill themselves, as long as the damage done is secured by "public domain", huh? There's no incentive to be nice or respectful when you can hurt others.