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Incels: Why Sexuality is Insufficient (Short Article)

Updated: Apr 6

A man staring at a place

My opinion on incels is that masculinity is more than just getting laid or having sexual interactions. Therefore, incels can still be masculine without having their sexual ambitions fulfilled. Of course, I am referring to men, as I do not think I have anything of value to offer specifically to female incels, which I have heard are much rarer.

Even if it may not seem like it, being masculine and life in general consist of more than just getting laid or losing one's virginity. Those who claim that the only point of life is sexual reproduction ignore the other potentials that life contains, along with the potentials of those who remain celibate, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. You can do many things in life and still remain celibate, and as such, be a successful, contributing member of society.

I do not think masturbation deserves the shame it gets from a normative point of view. Masturbation is basically autonomous sex. It is a far better option than forcing yourself on someone and getting imprisoned, or going to sexual services, which is a waste of money (and abuse of people). There should be no shame in pleasuring oneself, because there is nothing to be ashamed of in this harmless act. Even those who are in relationships may do it.

Getting laid does not make you better than those who do not get laid. People such as Isaac Newton, for example, died as virgins. Ironically, some geniuses throughout history died as virgins. That includes German philosopher, Immanuel Kant. It would therefore be dumb to devalue their contribution to humanity by cherry-picking the fact that they are virgins.

Porn, however, is best to be avoided, or at least consumed in moderation, as it can lead to addiction. While it does not necessarily addict everyone, it is still logical to assume that it could lead to an addiction that one could regret later in life, or during the period of addiction, itself. In addition, it could also lead to an unrealistic perspective of reality, which could ruin potential romantic and sexual relationships.

The fact that someone is an incel is not sufficient to commit a crime as a result of sexual frustration. It does not make sense to commit a mass shooting just because you failed at getting laid. There are therapists, psychologists, and other counselors who can help with this frustration. Of course, masturbation can also help to reduce frustration significantly. There is also sexual surrogacy.

To all incels who read this: You are not a loser just because you don't have sex. You are not worthless or a failure by that fact alone; and you are not necessarily a failure, that you're alone in life on that degree.

Sex is just one aspect of life, and it is not even a requirement for reproduction, as there are other ways, such as sperm donation and IVF technology. Do not be afraid of the possibility of masturbation. This activity, too, can relieve you of the misery caused by intense desire. Sexuality can be celebrated even without a partner nor a passing f*ck-buddy.

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Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosocom's Founder & Writer

I am a philosopher from Israel, author of several books in 2 languages, and Quora's Top Writer of the year 2018. I'm also a semi-hermit who has decided to dedicate his life to writing and sharing my articles across the globe. Several podcasts on me, as well as a radio interview, have been made since my career as a writer. More information about me can be found here.

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