The Trouble with "S3" -- Fear From Inferiority

(2023 Note: Now that I compared myself to other autists, I've realized I have Asperger's Syndrome, which can be considered part of ASD, or the Autism Spectrum Disorders. I, however, am no longer sure if I am indeed an autist, even though I was diagnosed with both Asperger's and ASD. Please, take this article with a grain of salt, as I expect you to do, with any of my articles).

As some of you may already know, I have autism, or more specifically, high-functioning autism. It is perhaps the most "desired" form of autism, not only because it is rarer than the more "stereotypical" form of this disorder, but also because it is the one that puts you closer to being what psychology calls a "neurotypical", or a person with no neurological disorders. In other words, I have a condition in my brain that on one hand makes me socially challenged, but on the other hand, not mentally challenged, like some autistic people are.

According to this article, there are basically 3 levels of Autism, ranking from high to low, based on the individual's ability to function like a "typical" counterpart. After I took a read, I am around level 1 or 2, even though I am inclined to believe that in the recent years my autism seem to have deteriorated in 2, which means that functioning in the world -- especially the social one, which I despise -- is becoming hard and harder.

The "deepest" level of autism is of course level 3, which according to the source is the most severe of the states and thus requires full-time assistance. While I am uncertain as to whether severity in autism can actually change in adulthood, it can change in early childhood.

Why am I saying all of this to you?

I hold my occupation as a philosopher very dedicatedly, to the point that my life pretty much surrounds creating, sharing, and preserving content in this blog. Given that there is no guarantee to anything at any time, it could mean that my condition could someday deteriorate even further, to the despised level 3 of severity—thus becoming an “inferior” version of myself, who might not be able to communicate with the world properly. Of course, this is but an assumption, but let us not forget that there is still a lot to unpack about autism, as it is, to this day, remains in partial mystery.

My experience with S3

I’ve witnessed a few times in my life a certain person who I believe to be in a deteriorated level of autism. He, like me, is a content creator. To avoid any kind of shaming, I will of course respect his privacy and not draw any flame to his endeavors. I will also try to not disclose their specialization, even though the vast majority of you do not know him. This is my experience with “S3,” and this is why I am very disturbed when I consume his content.

I never got to know him personally, even though I know his name and knew him mostly in my childhood. You can say he is one of the “titans” of autism, in a sense that he is very clueless around people, obsessive about the same subjects over and over again, and even though he is an adult, he cannot leave his mother in social gatherings, like, at any time. To be sincere, I don’t recall ever talking to him, even, as he never shown any interest.

He, so to speak, “opened” a video-making “company” that to the neurotypical eye is either very ridiculous, very funny, or very weird. There is nothing explicit or gory about it at all, and in fact, it is extremely infantile. A person reviewing his “establishment” asked once why is anyone even remotely interested in it. This is how eccentric the whole thing is, and since he probably doesn’t know how to respond, he just has to suffer the misunderstanding of his permanent disability, which I assume is at level 3 of the severity.

Why is autism mocked?

I guess I can at least partially understand why some people view autism with mockery. It’s not only that they don’t understand what it means, but it’s also hard to communicate it to the world, especially when your functionality is below-average. It seems that the internet has made autism a meme; when certain people think of autism, they may associate it with randomness, or weirdness. It’s something that some people find funny to pick on, probably making autism one of the most mocked disabilities, and thus, a very difficult one, to the point that some autistics—including myself—cannot live without welfare money.

The importance of living life to the fullest

Going back to philosophizing—all of this is an example of a person that one can become—“inferior,” so to speak, by their own hand which they have been dealt with. You can all become, even by sheer bad luck, an “S3,” even if you don’t even try to do it. There is always a chance of sheer unfortunate, to rain upon you, and turn merits into your weaknesses, if not even disable you from doing certain things—sometimes for a period, and other times, for life.

I hope my autism will never deteriorate my condition any further than it already had, but at least I can rest assured, that during the time I wasn’t deteriorated extremely severely, I at least made a lot despite my young age—books, poems, this site, along with its vast content. Should I ever suffer from a level 3 autism, I can at least remember the merit—and benefit—of my work for the world to enjoy from.

Here is another source on the matter.