The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and the "Forever Alone" Idea

The Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and the "Forever Alone" Idea



The fear of finding oneself alone extensively (if not eternally), is a result of fearing to miss experiences, you wish, or have been taught to wish, you should, if not “need”, to experience, in order to have a life whose time has been well spent.


Therefore, those who are fearful to find themselves “forever alone”, are afraid to miss social, romantic and/or sexual experiences whose window of opportunity, is slowly being closed by the inevitability of time, until it would be completely closed to you, never to be opened again.

Those who fear opportunities from the External World, are likely to lack in the Internal World, AKA, in the wealth of their own solitude. What other reason would people be fearful of finding themselves “forever alone”? If you didn’t lack vividness, richness and depth within your own solitude, why would you fear of finding yourself having these well-preserved benefits, that you want to find in the External World? Why would you want to find and achieve what you have already found, achieved and obtained?


If you want to be fulfilled with the possibility that you will be always single (even though even lifelong-single elders can find themselves in new relationships) - you have to achieve the desired values, that you were taught that are present within the External World - through the walls of the Internal World. AKA - to create and nurture these desired values, independently of romance.

People can be self-sufficient in many aspects, we were taught we are not able to. People have potentials, they were taught they lack in having. Some of our organs are capable of being starched out to very long distances, some of us didn’t know they can - now apply this to the metaphorical sense.


Sit and contemplate. Think of what you’re truly able to do, and what you truly not able to do. Surprisingly enough, you will perhaps find out that you can do more than you initially taught you can by yourself. Realize your true limitations, and you will find out these barriers are farther than you initially believed or were taught to believe.


For example - and this I have learned from my own experience - people are capable of spending days with almost, and even no, communication whatsoever, as long as they have things, or even one thing, to occupy themselves with. It is just that we are socialized to create various of dependencies, without distinguishing them with our interpretations of necessity.


In reality, however, many of the things we associate with necessity, are far from necessary, regardless of how many people think they are not. Conformity does not lead to correctness, even though conformity may give us this impression of confidence and of assurance.


The same logic can apply to romance, and even to sexuality. Why some of us desire more than others to have these in our lives? Because some of us have less vivid and rich internal life than others, and therefore they seek what they don’t have internally, externally. That is because if they had what they seek, developed and strong enough internally, they wouldn’t seek it externally.

This is an insight schools and universities may not teach you, because much, if not all, of the formal educational institutions, take for granted, the generalizing belief towards every human whatsoever, that every human is inheritably, and inevitably, a social being, and is not capable to be largely solitary, and let alone, completely devoid of socially-oriented desires and needs.


And as I wrote previously, however - some of what we were taught, are teachings that make us unaware of the lengths of which our potentials are capable to reach.


To those that believe they may be "forever alone" -- I am definitely not saying, and not implying, that you will indeed be single forever. You can be single forever, but that is your own choice, to either be determined to do so, or to not learn of the things you do in the dating world, that you shouldn’t do, in order to have a successful “game” with your potential partners.

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© 2019 Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosopher