The Asaxual's Bias (Safe For Work)
Updated: Sep 15
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Asexuality is defined primarily by a lack of desire to engage in sexually based relationships. Just as there are those who are attracted to a certain gender, there are also those whose tendency is defined by the lack of such a tendency. As an asexual myself, I'm writing this article to provide you with a clearer perspective on the subject. As such, I will avoid writing here about anything that may not be considered "safe for work". This means, no p*rn, no erotic descriptions. I want this to be as clean as possible. Let's begin.
I never actually had a desire to have a sexual life with anyone, including those whom I fell in love with and those that did not reject me at first. However, my sexual preference was and is challenged by some in society, who believe I am not asexual but straight. It's one of the reasons I'm writing this article: to raise awareness about the issue, from a philosophical perspective, as well.
We seem to be, by default, biased by our sexuality. You might be attracted to the opposite gender but find it difficult to be attracted to your own. All the while, a love interest of yours may be attracted to your gender, even though you are not. Ever wondered why? I'm not sure how many of us actually ask ourselves that question.
Regardless, we may never have the answer. Maybe you will never know why your wife is attracted to men and you aren't, and vice versa. It appears to be difficult to get empirical knowledge of that. It could mean that some people are just "wired" to be attracted to a certain demographic and others are not.
The same may be applied to asexuals. To me, society appears to be very obsessive with intercourse, to the point that it becomes a great source of humor (even though the punchline is understood overwhelmingly). I just play along whenever I'm not alone, but in reality, I don't really understand what the big deal is.
I have no desire to do "it." It appears to be disgusting and a waste of my time. I've seen how "it" is done, several times, but I just feel disgusted. I will not try things that disgust me because I might puke, get anxious, get noxious, or all three together.
How come? It might be due to the fact that I am asexual. I might never understand humanity's obsession with the matter, as I lack the genuine interest to try.
I am most likely to grow old, solitary, and childless. I am fine with that fate. The idea that a partner as a necessity, is nothing more than a generalization. It's a fallacy that may stem from the fact that asexual awareness isn't as prevalent as it should be.
I will not date for that purpose, and I will not hire a surrogate for that aim. The only reason as to why I'm even bringing this subject up is because I want the world to be more aware of people like me. We serve as evidence that intercourse is not a necessary urge for all adult human beings. Some of us are just not that interested in the matter.
Of course, in order to survive, the organism must reproduce. However, the desire for it to occur does not exist in all human beings. not even in those who are straight. How come? Some men and women, of course, do not want to have children.
Thus, even in the absence of asexuality, the desire or need to reproduce isn't necessarily the meaning of our existence. Just because we have certain body parts in our bodies does not mean we must use them. A woman may have a womb, yes? But she might decide to never use it for pregnancy. I think we should tolerate her choice in the matter.
This isn't necessarily an illness, a disorder, and so on. It's not like each human being has to reproduce, regardless, in order to ensure the survival of our species. Therefore, the means of reproduction are not universally necessary for that end.
There's a reason why I rejected even those who fell in love with me. I might resume rejecting indefinitely.
It isn't that I'm asexual because "I haven't tried" or because "I'm afraid," and so on. I've seen people without clothing in my life, of both genders, and all I felt was either apathy or disgust. I have no desire to see such examples indefinitely, just to be proven otherwise eventually.
I don't really mind being asexual. I enjoy the independence it brings me, from the need or desire to date women, develop romantic relationships, and aspire for marriage. I may use a cane in this day and age due to fatigue, but I still enjoy the little independence that I still have.
People my age are married or have been in a relationship at some point in their lives. I am not taking pride in not having either. I am simply saying that I genuinely see no desire for either.
And it can all be because I am biased by my asexuality and thus "blinded" by it, just like you may be, towards any gender you are not attracted to. Try to explain to a straight man why men are attractive, or to a straight woman why women are. You might find great difficulty empirically conveying the message (just like I do in general).
Any human being may be attracted to anyone, regardless of their own gender. Homosexuals can be masculine, just as lesbians can be feminine. Thus, sexual tendency, or lack thereof, isn't necessarily dictated by one's gender. I guess some of you can testify? I assume you can't just choose your tendency because your society may dictate or encourage it?
So, you can say that I have officially come out of the closet. Now, let us move on to other, more important goals.
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