top of page

On Disconnecting From Family

Updated: Feb 20

An image of someone with love sticker

Death, divorce, and other forms of separation. Some say that one of the most important values in human existence is the value of family. Some say it is because we are social animals; others may claim that, because we come from a certain source, we should honor it or at least be thankful for its existence and for its contribution to making us the people we are today.

Today in my personal life, which I won't detail too much this time, I've decided to disconnect from an entire branch of family because of a pattern I have found in them. Of course, I will not name them, for I respect the privacy of those who provide no consent.

They were and are, in a way, tyrant-like people who are mostly nice as long as you don't say legitimate things to them that might trigger them into yelling at you. I too, unfortunately, possess some of that psychology, and it is one of the many reasons why I aspire to at least partially isolate myself from this world.

It is also one of the reasons why I don't want kids, because even if I actually wanted them, I would still prevent myself from having them. I wish not to pass on these cursed genetics, some of which I've been given. Passing them on could lead to a life of suffering, as I myself have experienced.

You see, for many, one of the decisions one must make is what to do with their family after they've reached adulthood. In some places, academics, the military, and other ventures may require the individual to keep a large distance from their family, like some would from their friends from school after graduation.

For some, it is inevitable because, as they say, "duty calls". Realism dictates that, for many, you cannot have everything you want, simply because that is idealism, which is the opposite of realism.

However, I am an idealist, at least in this department. What's in a life if it's not lived according to one's ideals, at least eventually? Must we be slaves to things we don't want to be slaves to, just because of what other people say, what society and the norms say you should do? Must we be slaves to our local culture and their vision of what a life well lived is?

In some parts of Jewish communities, you must have kids because it says so in the Old Testament. A direct command from a universal designer. Of course we need kids to preserve our species, but is it truly a commitment everyone should have? In the grand scheme of things, you, me, and our descendants don't really matter unless we make it into history, and even then we might have a minor role in it.

I am aware that, by refusing to have kids, I am cutting an entire line of descendants. However, like hair, other "lines" will take their place, their seats in the classroom, and their concrete apartment. But I digress; this is merely a presentation of an example.

What I'm trying to convey is, that not everyone is compatible with other people, even if they are your very own flesh and blood. That is true, especially when you live with them or have a close connection with them. My mother cut her ties with her father after he called me a moron when I was a child. Surely the sacred value of family shouldn't justify such abuse, correct?

Likewise, the adult should not be obligated to give any justification to anyone when cutting ties with people that bring him or her unnecessary suffering. The very specific branch I was talking about at the beginning: they used to scream at me for saying legitimate stuff, like raising a question or making a simple request.

One time, as a kid, when I refused to do something, I was dragged out of a family member's car. And yet, I am supposed to appreciate that branch's existence in my life, despite the things they've inflicted on me, even at times when I had no ill will in mind.

As an adult, you have the chance to disconnect from just about anyone with whom you can do so. Some of these disconnections might lead to regret, others to relief, and sometimes even both. What you should have in mind is that realism does not justify unnecessary suffering when you can have a pathway to a life of better comfort, benefit, and/or happiness. No one toxic should be kept in your life just because they are nice and polite and "are very good to guests".

In the end, for many, living with others stinks, and that's one of the many reasons why I lead a life of solitude and abstinence. Once you solve the issue of loneliness and embrace solitude, life could indeed get a lot easier and less stressful. This is why I don't regret, at least for now, disconnecting from an entire branch of family. A major one at that. No further details will be given.

I am at least grateful for this because it gives me another possibility to write. Those without problems might have less inspiration than those who do.

73 views0 comments


Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosocom's Founder & Writer

I am a philosopher from Israel, author of several books in 2 languages, and Quora's Top Writer of the year 2018. I'm also a semi-hermit who has decided to dedicate his life to writing and sharing my articles across the globe. Several podcasts on me, as well as a radio interview, have been made since my career as a writer. More information about me can be found here.

צילום מסך 2023-11-02 202752.png
bottom of page