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Man as Contra -- How to Contrast Others

Updated: Feb 9

A dejected-looking young man


The traditionally masculine man serves as a contra to others. That may be regardless of his position in society, in an organization like a business, or even in a family. Whether at the top or the bottom, the masculine man lives to serve. And even when he leads, he is still serving. For this type of man is a provider, giving others what they need. He lives to supply things to others.


Be it money, love, or his work. With his power, he does not live for himself, but he resumes to live regardless of misfortune. For he is mentally strong enough to serve as a contra. For suicide is for the weak, no matter how willing one may be.


The contra is an equalizer. He brings balance to someone or to some people. Because they might not do it themselves.


It is only within close quarters, with a significant other, where he, if wise, allows himself to be more vulnerable, to be more himself. More himself, beyond the intended repression of who he really is. It is there where he is relieved of his duties to the external world, only to serve his significant other once more. Because even if she is more submissive in nature, he is still a provider for her, and still a contra to her emotions. If she won't do it, then there's no other choice... Just like anywhere else.


And the philosopher philosophizes. And he does it even when he's not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he is a philosopher. It's just like any other job.


And as a man, I may have to endure the many irrationalities of humankind. I have to endure their lack of understanding, their stress, their disrespect, their humiliation, and so on and on.

It does not matter, in practice. It does not matter because when you are a contra, you look at the big picture and focus on the long term. You're the scapegoat, because you are the wiser one. And should you not be the scapegoat, things just might get worse.


When I was harassed by a drunkard online, I didn't care about my own sense of being "attacked" because I was focused on being the calm, rational one. I cared to be the calm, rational one, who would neutralize him by neutralizing his arguments. That's what a philosopher does.


And when he apologizes and explained that he was drunk, I did not felt vengeful for his stupidity, this time. I just saw no further point, and dismissed him. That is how I served as a contra to a man whose rationality have been impaired by alcohol.


As for the easily stressed, I strive to act the same. There's no point to falling to such trivial matters. I do not have to fall to the same intensity as they do, even if the heart tempts me, as well. Why? Because there are more important matters to focus on, than wasting energy on emotional outrage. Especially when one is aware of the proportions; of the true implications of deeds and misdeeds.



So, as you can see, the masculine man serves also as contra to anyone. Why? Because the former strives to survive, just like in the jungle. Thus, he strives to be the better man. The gender of the other does not have to matter for that end.


By contrasting other people, you can help stabilizing them, so they will cooperate. And of course, we may need to cooperate to get things done, either by necessity or otherwise. Petty conflicts are simply a waste of time. They deserve to be voiced in closed doors, to therapists. They are qualified to deal with emotional instabilities; The masculine man aspires for emotional stability, because without it, he may betray his own intentions to survive and prosper in whatever he does.


In the absence of contras, a storm is sure to be brewed among emotional people. Filtering. Moderation. Control. These are not only for one's personal gain over others. It's also to maintain order, harmony, and at times, peace. I have no remorse for the voluntarily filterless. I just hope that they learn that they are irrational, and work to change it, for the betterment of society.


It's part of comforting those in distress, what can you do. Get upset yourself, and you will only add further ignition to the fire. The other side of the situation does not necessarily care for you. So you just have to put up with it, suck it up, and endure their unreasonable excitement. Hopefully, your contras ability will make them see the error of their ways, that the situation isn't as dire as their mind tells them... and just move the hell on.


...I've been killing myself since the 2000's. It's the best education I got from Israel. Not English, not math... But slow, meticulous killing of the self. Its wants. Its needs. Its hopes. Its dreams. Nope. What mattered was the lesson. What mattered was the homework and the exams. Very, little, else. The fact that the vast majority of the students were too dumb to understand this precious insight, mattered to me only because I didn't want to be as dumb as them.


Even if the whole room will take sides with someone who hates you... even if they will decide to gang up on you... You just need make sure you survive. Physically, mentally, etc... Because if you won't survive, as a man, you will fail doing what you are capable of doing. It's called providing. That includes content.


Even the joy of your mother, because you still didn't kill yourself, yet. You may also provide to her wellbeing, by not being a corpse. By giving her a reason to live, herself.


So it's only reasonable that you would learn to swallow your own distress in favor of the task at hand. In favor of those whom you need with you, but are too biased, or too dumb, to recognize that you are also a human being. A human who is capable of bursting out in tears. Just like a feminine woman. Just like an infantile child.


Because even should you voice your own distress, some people are going to be in denial. And some of them are sure as hell not going to apologize. That includes people who are close to you. People who care. People who have empathy.


Because when you're masculine, it does not matter if they apologize or not. It does not matter if you talk about your emotions. It doesn't, because it can return once more to haunt you. The same dumb mistakes of theirs, and perhaps, of yours, too.


So, since people are not necessarily going to learn from their mistakes, they are prone to repeat them indefinately. It does not mean in any way that you should act dumb yourself.


I do not brag about my high intelligence, because I need it to survive mentally. It's nothing more than a tool for me, necessary to endure the hardships of life, and for work. Don't you ever think that empathy or even sympathy are given fairly. Because in reality they are not.


No. Some of us are left to our own devices. Are left to cope alone. And even with therapists, it won't necessarily solve the problems we repress. Our... true selves.


The inevitable solution, therefore, in a world filled with tactless and unaware people, is to develop a self-killing mentality. Because in the end, there is work. And that work needs to be ***ing done. You have your assignments, your goals. Abandon them by giving power to toxic people, and you might become toxic yourself. Or at least whiny. Or at the very least, an infantile manchild, who is unwilling to work out his own personal issues.


Work on yourself, and don't expect anyone to do this for you, unless they are paid to. Why? Because they need to work too, that's why. Just like you do (assumingly, yes?).

I am a philosopher not because I feel love for wisdom. No. I philosophize because it's profitable, and because I'm good at it. My love for it, existent or not, does not matter. This is a place of business; a growing empire. And I do not expect my readership to be my therapists.


I held a great grduge against the education system for traumatizing me mentally. After working on this article. I am thankful for them. Thankful for helping me become a man. Thankful for restraining me enough, so I could survive this hellish reality... and this hellish mentality.


I will resume being a contra.... untill it will be wise for me to not be one. Until someone will finally accept me for who I am! With no depressing filters!


But since I cannot allow myself that, all I need to focus on is my work. And until then, remember: I am not a happy man. My pride is irrelevant. I will only find solace in this cold-hearted world when I will be accepted completely, with love, for the man I truly am. For the man none have seen myself as.



Until then, never upset me ever-so casually.


For the choice to give up, is forever, forever mine.


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Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosocom's Founder & Writer

I am a philosopher from Israel, author of several books in 2 languages, and Quora's Top Writer of the year 2018. I'm also a semi-hermit who has decided to dedicate his life to writing and sharing my articles across the globe. Several podcasts on me, as well as a radio interview, have been made since my career as a writer. More information about me can be found here.

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