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Dating and Rejection In the Digital Era

Updated: May 21

Rejection of multiple potential partners is not exclusive to women. Both women and men may share the same reason for this phenomenon.

Today, we literally have hundreds, if not millions, of potential partners, each more attractive than the last. The competition for mates has reached a global scale due to the great access we have to connect with other people worldwide.

This great exposure to not only information but also people has significantly increased the probability of finding the ideal partner we fantasize about having if we are unsatisfied with our singlehood.

This great accessibility also comes with a great disadvantage: the quality of romance between partners has been significantly decreased, along with the former sacred value of the institution of marriage. When both you and your partner have this global access to potential partners, both of you may be, from time to time, faced with a dilemma:

Should I leave my current partner when I am aware of someone that is more attractive than them?

Should I abandon my loyalty to someone if I notice another guy or girl that is way too hot/rich/successful than they are?

Why should I settle for less when I can settle to more?

Therefore, the constant complaining by both men and women about being single in today's interconnected world may be initially seen as a paradox, but it really isn't. With much more vivid access to people, it would be only natural to raise your standards when you are confident that there is a higher chance of finding someone that matches your version of the ideal mate.

This raise of many people's standards has made dating a very stressful feature in modern life, because preserving the loyalty of your partner to you (and vice versa) may be proven more difficult with many other people around that can better suit your expectations, thus increasing your chances of being less satisfied with potential partners or with your current partner.

The increasing difficulty to be satisfied with what we already have is a product of a bigger problem: the problem that is the abandonment of asceticism over the ambition for extravagant financial materialism and the attainment of a luxurious social status, in a society that may judge you not always according to your individual qualities, but according to your current amount of followers and subscribers on various social media.

The desire to be as successful, desired, attractive, and wanted in the modern era, because that's how we were taught we will be good enough, is often a factor of a great amount of pressure. People not loving themselves may be also the product of this pressure, because our ideal image of the self, taught by socialization, seems so distant no matter how much we try to achieve it.

The art of dating also often adheres to this logic. Being with a specific partner with specific data we associate with them is also a way to validate our self-esteem on a stereotypical basis. For example, why would I be with an average office peon when I can be with a famous football player? Why should I care about someone who works as a janitor when I can love and feel better about myself if I’m to date a doctor?

All these questions and dilemmas, created by the prosperity of the modern era, are commonly relevant topics when finding a partner in a globalized society. They are not exclusive to women but to men as well, regardless of sexual orientation.

The less-spoken dilemma nowadays, however, is whether we should stay single and find meaningfulness within our singlehood. Even if it’s not spoken about, it’s still an important question to keep us preoccupied, as we can be emotionally self-sufficient and independent beings while focusing on other aspects in our individual lives.

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Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosocom's Founder & Writer

I am a philosopher from Israel, author of several books in 2 languages, and Quora's Top Writer of the year 2018. I'm also a semi-hermit who has decided to dedicate his life to writing and sharing my articles across the globe. Several podcasts on me, as well as a radio interview, have been made since my career as a writer. More information about me can be found here.

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