Tomasio Rubinshtein -- An Autobiography

(Directory on Nihilism: https://www.philosocom.com/post/the-irony-of-nihilism)

(September 2023 note: I am no longer handicapped. I explained why in this article).

(Maturity Directory)

Tomasio Rubinshtein -- An Autobiography

The following is a document that tells my story from 1997 until 2024. From an undiagnosed Asperger's and social outcast to a diagnosed Asperger's who also became handicapped and frankly, didn't achieve much in life, beyond much, much writing.

I will summarize my life from the perspective of someone who, like Socrates, admits his own ignorance of the world and of himself but wishes to extend his knowledge by engaging in the art of writing philosophy articles.

Let's begin...

I was born on December 7th, 1997. I recall strong lights and intense, unclear noises that made me very anxious and stressed. The sensory exposure was overwhelming, and might've even been a bit traumatic for me.

I do not remember much of my first years. They seem to be very uneventful, but even then, it was suspected that I might be on the spectrum. However, I was only diagnosed as a teenager. That's because I only learned how to speak fluently at the age of 4.

I am glad most of my life is behind me, as my early life was THAT hard.

For some reason, I clearly remember my first spoken word: bu-ha, or bubble, in English. I played with pigeons at a park, and with my movements, this word came. I don't know why it was that word specifically, nor if it actually means anything on any level.

Life became hell on Earth from 2004 to 2017, because that was the period where I experienced mandatory education, along with many other things. Compulsory education made me a depressed kid, even though there were other fun things to be had. Imagine that girl's scream from when I was two; now multiply it by 13 years, each day in school. I knew I was very sensitive to sound already, but people either did not know or did not care.

I was the gang leader for two other kids in elementary school. We just hung out at recess. I was too naive to realize I had charisma for some reason. In the short span of 6 years, I taught myself fluent English using video games and the internet.

In that period, I also formed a militia, called the Storm Alpha Squad, in a multiplayer video game, built amateur websites on a local platform aimed at kids, and served as an officer in an international trolling community against the singer known as Justin Bieber. I doubt that he even knows me. It might be funny, even for me, but it was during these years that I was in positions of authority.

I don't know why these positions came to me so naturally. I also accepted them naturally. They were all dissolved anyway. I believe I was inexperienced and incompetent, but they were all positive experiences that may have helped me become the site manager that I am today, with this site and other minor ventures over the years. I did learn from these years to cease trolling online.

At the age of 10 I saved my late grandmother from her own hands. This has forever changed my life, as it inclined me to use philosophy as a way to handle reality.

From 2003 to 2011 I studied under my grandmother. She taught me art and perception. I have suffered from heroic amnesia from 2007 to 2024. I am a real life hero.

Despite my "positions" of "authority" as a child, I was a very solitary kid, as I am today, in a sense. I never had a lot of friends, and I was never truly popular, and I spent most of my free time playing video games. In these years, I experienced my first existential crisis when listening to a specific, dystopian tune from an old game.

That tune made me question the value of my life, but not only of mine but also of humanity, and Earth's. I enjoyed reading about astronomy at the time. Learning elementary information about the universe made me realize how tiny we humans are, living on a planet that is tiny as well, compared to the vast emptiness and the astronomic bodies beyond our atmosphere.

I do recall having faith in the Jewish God, but religion was never really a feature of my secular life. There's a reason why I don't talk about religion this often to this day, even though it has great philosophical potential.

Nonetheless, universal design or not, the infinity of the universe was astounding to me. It made me question the worth of my life on Earth and of Earth in general if the sun's lifespan will expire anyway and everything that we have known thus far in this plane of existence will disappear with the explosion of the sun or with another deadly event, such as a massive meteor strike.

I did not know it then, for I was too young and inexperienced, but that was nihilism. I was a nihilist both in belief and in feeling. I used to believe that existence was worthless and that there was not much reason to endure.

I did not have a word for it back then, but it was the pain of nihilism, the rejection of purposefulness, that eventually made me the existentialist philosopher that I am today. A person who attempts to assign meaning.

I pondered if there was more to life than this. More meaning than the schools I was forced to attend; more meaning than the teachers who constantly yelled in my ear. In a sense, life was truly horrible, despite having all I needed to survive, such as food and a ceiling over my head.

I truly pondered the idea of an afterlife. I tried imagining how it feels when a person has this transition from life to death. To this day, it seems absurd to me that life can end so abruptly, but the conversion of life to death is an enigma in comparison.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at the age of 13. It was also the first time I truly fell in love with a girl who enjoyed my company for some reason, only to abandon me two years later. My love for her was as intense as it was irrational.

Due to my intense excitement, speaking to her made it difficult for my fingers to move even one time. We went for a stroll in September 2012, and it was one of my happiest days in existence. It was the last time I saw her physically.

My heartbreak from her, along with another heartbreak that followed a year later, made me prefer to resume living in a solitary fashion.

I lived as a monk for 9 years as a result. Even then, it hadn't to do with religion. Rather, it had to do with despair from love. I experienced most of my life as one who lives alone.

Even though I lived with my mother for many years, I still felt alone. I was busy making sure she is safe.

In 2019, still a monk, I founded the Philosocom Article Empire, as a way to store my writings for people to enjoy for free. Later on, I included the writings of many other contemporary philosophers.

In the years 2013-2014 I started writing articles. In short, I have many years experience in writing articles. I also written books and most of them I decided not to publish. I did transfer some of the books' articles into the site.

The original purpose of the site was to combat the shallowness of this world. Later on, the site has began to be a platform for world rectification -- a philosophical concept about improving the world.

Already in my 20's I have written an insane amount of articles. While I deleted some of them, the rest are here for you to enjoy for free, no hidden costs.

I broke my monastic vow for a mystery woman known as Sasha Mos in 2023.

Outside my love life, I resume living because I have genuine desire to contribute to humanity and rectify the world.

Thanks for reading.