Are Nice People Losers?

Are Nice People Losers?

What are losers in the first place? What defines a loser from a winner? Are nice people always losers, are impolite and aggressive people always winners? Is there truly a necessary connection between niceness and “loserness”?

But we always lose things at the same time we achieve things. One lose is necessarily a grant of something else. If I won’t get the girl, I win alone time; if I get the girl, I lose alone time. If I am to lose money, I achieve something else that I paid for.

Therefore it is very vague to understand what defines a loser than a winner, at least on the technical level. However, I can come up with a possible socio-stereotypical comparison between the “nice loser” and the “aggressive winner”: The “nice loser” could be manipulated on, lose the girl, not be popular, live as a virgin for very long, etc, while the “aggressive winner” be the exact opposite.

But still, stereotypes are not always correct. I would go even further and claim that they could be incorrect most of the time. The nice guy can have a good job, good financial state, and many other achievements, while the aggressive/impolite guy could be unemployed, be poor and have minimal achievements. I would even bet that the aggressive one may even have more chances of ending up in prison.

From the day I first begun to be a student at school until my graduation, I have learned that if we are to prosper and be successful in modern society, we should be nice, polite and comfortable people, rather than the opposite. In all my years as a student I almost always got better grades, better relations with the teachers, better chances of not getting into a fight with other students, and better reputation generally, both by my fellow teachers and classmates, and even the managers remembered me for good. This was while more aggressive and more wild-behaving students had more bad grades, more conflicts with both teachers and other students, and hell - many of them didn’t even got a full graduation diploma. This is while I received certificates of excellence - 5 years in a row! And let me tell you this - I hadn’t been involved a single fight since the first year of middle school, 7–8 years ago.

Thus it is beneficial to be nice, and it does not necessarily make you a loser. However, going out beyond the boundaries of niceness territory, at times, is also an important thing to learn when you are to protect your rights and beliefs from external sources. A little spice of stubbornness and assertiveness is imperative for your independence and for not being manipulated so easily by people which might be “wolves in sheep’s clothing”. With this in mind I didn’t got much bullied in my time of studenthood. At these rare times when I did got bullied (I can count only two times since the day I became wiser as a philosopher), I managed to overcome the bullies alone by being much more aggressive and intimidating than I usually am, and I never got bullied since then until my graduation.

So, being nice won’t necessarily make you a loser, but if you are to be nice all the time to everyone, without any usage of merits which oppose niceness - you are indeed to be weak and to be prone to others making various advances on you, making you not only a loser, but an underdog, when you clearly have the potential to have the upper hand by protecting yourself, your rights and your wants and needs when you are to face those who attempt to take them from you without proper justification, including those who are close and dear to you.

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© 2019 Tomasio A. Rubinshtein, Philosopher