The secret behind happily staying single lies within actualizing your potential to be as self-sufficient as you can, until the point there won’t be any need for a romantic partner to fulfill these needs for you.
It is really that simple, at least in terms of understanding. Executing this insight requires time, effort and determination. We don’t really need a significant other in our lives when we can have ourselves, and since we always have ourselves, there is no actual need for a significant other. The need for love, affection and sex can be fulfilled autonomously, or, at least, through non-romantic ways.
What I recommend for those who seek independence are the following:
· Create a mindset that produces feelings of self-love, and also find time to actualize your merits and improve them, for they can help you to love to be within your own skin. Develop self-confidence and improve anything that you don’t like about yourself and can be changed. An actualized love, even if directed inwards, is a result of satisfaction.
· Develop physical strength for hugs. I know it sounds weird, but the more power you have in your muscles (especially within your arms), the stronger you’ll be able to hug yourself, and with enough training you can replace the need to be hugged by others by your own muscles, which in turn can make you more autonomous. This is one of the many reasons singles and loners should exercise, aside of the known positive effects it can have on your body and on your mood. Also, you can purchase a vest that has weights within it (commonly used for walks and runs), that can stimulate the feeling of being hugged.
· Masturbate more regularly to fulfill your sexual desires, if there is no one to have sex with you. There shouldn’t be any shame in doing so, in private, that is. That way you can be more relaxed during your day-to-day life, while having your passion for a romantic partner possibly decrease in a significant way.
All of these recommendations, when regulated enough, can decrease one’s feelings of loneliness, depression, romantic desire and so forth - until the point one won’t feel them anymore - and all of this - through extensive and possibly difficult practice of self-sufficiency.
By the way, there could be more than just one practice of self-sufficiency, on more than one area of life. Those who claim that staying at home for long periods of time is not good, should regard those who are self-sufficient enough to do so and still feel good and content; Those who believe that walking is not possible as a method of transportation, should be aware that some people, even if not many, can get to far places through walking, and even back from where they came. I was much like this before I begun using public transportation on a daily basis.
You should also consider this insight: those who are more self-sufficient are usually stronger than others as individuals, even if not as collectives. Having more responsibilities requires more effort, and more effort can make you stronger as an individual, whether physically or mentally. Those who claim that this is masochistic, should regard the benefit self-sufficiency can in general give to you later in life, when you could possibly be more solitary either by choice or by circumstances. All couples are prone to separation, with the ultimate separation being death itself, and thus many that were separated by the death of their loved, regardless of the death’s cause, can find themselves in complete shock when they find themselves alone without the significant other they have relayed upon for many years, making their death a potentially major reason to hinder their day-to-day functioning, not only their mental functioning. This what happens when you depend yourself too much on others, to the point your capacity for self-sufficiency decreases significantly.
I’m not saying that romantic relationships are evil; I’m simply pointing their flaws, with one of them being one’s increasing loss of autonomy and control over their lives, even if the relationship brings great joy and purposefulness to both partners.
By focusing much of your attention of thoughts about romance as something that is missed when you don’t have one, you subconsciously increase your lack of satisfaction of your current state, which in turn can arouse within you feelings of negativity. Romance is not a need. Rather, it is a result of socialization that teaches us that it is. This is why people that have been single for extensive period of time are majorly perceived as miserable, depressed people, even if they’re actually happy and satisfied with their lives.
It’s time to stop to not question constructs of socialization, and begin to see many ideas that are perceived as truths, through the eyes of doubt. This is the work of a serious philosopher, and this is what lead me to decide to remain happily single, even though I’ve always been.